


Listen

by Juliet_Alayne



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Yamada Ryosuke - Fandom
Genre: A little bit of angst not gonna lie, AU, Alternate Universe, Falling In Love, Kawaii boys, M/M, Yama is still an idol, Yuri is a barista, coffee shop AU, still mostly fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24601738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juliet_Alayne/pseuds/Juliet_Alayne
Summary: Yuri is a full time college student while working every chance he can as a barista at a cafe called Pink. Ryosuke is an idol who can't get the cute barista out of his head, and who finally gets up enough courage to ask him out!
Relationships: Chinen Yuri/Yamada Ryosuke
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	1. Listen

**Author's Note:**

> *SPECIAL NOTE*  
> I wrote this fic especially for a dear precious friend of mine, my sweet Kenzie-chan who has been there with me through all of my struggles this last year and has offered me unconditional support, insights, comfort, and friendship. I am so thankful for her! When I was trying to figure out how to handle my feelings with the reader-insert issue, she was such a huge help, I had to do something special for her, and this fic is the result of that! <3 I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST!!! <3

* * *

If you're reading this here, I'd love to invite you to my website! I usually post my stories there first and then decide if I'll bring them here. I'm in the process of moving all my stories from Tumblr onto that platform--and it features the ability to join a mailing list to get instant notification when I publish a new story! 

<https://julietalayne.pink>

I look forward to seeing you there!

* * *

* * *

Music Inspiration: Dreaming Alone–Against the Current featuring Taka (ONE OK ROCK)

* * *

Yuri slid the cup of coffee across the counter, his heart thrumming in his chest, because every time _he_ came in he spoke to him so kindly, his voice was soft and tender, and it would be easy for Yuri to imagine there was more to it than just a customer being nice to the person who made his coffee. He did everything he could to stop himself from allowing those daydreams to carry him away, as he was just the same, charismatic, friendly, and bold—yep, today was no exception, and Yuri found himself struggling to answer the question he had just asked him today…thinking he might have misunderstood, or imagined it. 

_Would you let me take you on a date?_

_What? No. You’re Yamada Ryosuke, and I am no one._

_I am literally nobody._

_I barely make eight dollars an hour, am putting myself through college, and live in the most embarrassing neighborhood in the universe._

_I come from a broken home, have a crazy family, and I literally can’t fathom what kind of world you live in._

Yuri had probably looked like a deer caught in headlights, swallowing roughly as his mind whirled in every direction trying to make sure he wasn’t going to make a complete fool of himself by misunderstanding what was just asked of him, his voice trembling when he cautiously spoke, “Th-thank you for asking, but I am afraid I can not do that.” 

“You _can not_ do that?” Ryosuke leaned onto the counter, his words slow and measured, his eyes shifting to look at Yuri’s closely. 

_Too close._

Yuri’s breath caught, because Ryosuke’s eyes were beautiful under normal conditions, but they were so tender with some feeling Yuri just couldn’t quite put a name to, Ryosuke’s voice incredibly taking on an even more tender tone than normal as he shifted closer still, “Why’s that, exactly?” 

“Um,” Yuri blinked, his mind running through a billion different reasons—starting with the most obvious one. 

_I’m just an average guy and you…are Yamada Ryosuke._

_An idol._

_Who wouldn’t be caught dead in a scandal, let alone a scandal that involved a date with another_ _guy._

_I clearly misunderstood._

Fumbling over the words in his mind, Yuri’s eyes landed on the coffee still sitting on the counter, pressing it forward with his fingertips, just a bit further toward Ryosuke—gasping when his hand snapped out and grabbed his wrist, causing Yuri to jump. The tiny squeal sound that escaped against his will made Ryosuke grin for a moment before he spoke. 

“This is my number, you should text me when you change your mind,” he whispered the words, smiling a completely ridiculously beautiful smile as he pressed something into Yuri’s palm with his other hand, then released his hand as he picked up his coffee in a single smooth motion, then turned to stroll casually out of the cafe. 

_Oh my God._

It wasn’t like Ryosuke hadn’t been coming in the cafe regularly for over seven months now. Though for two months the simple truth was Yuri was so completely oblivious to the attention Ryosuke had paid to him that he was in complete and utter denial. Then one of Yuri’s friends who had started working there asked him what exactly was going on between the two of them. 

“What do you mean? He’s a customer?” 

“Ah, right? He’s a _customer_?” 

“Um, yes? He has been a customer for a few months.” 

“Ah, no. Honestly, he’s totally into you, and you _talk_ to him.” 

“I _talk_ to him because he’s a customer, and don’t be insane do you know who that is?” 

“Yes, I do know, but who cares, who actually needs to buy eight different things in an hour? Plus, the entire cafe is _pink_. I feel pretty strongly he’s not coming here on average three to four times a week because he’s into pastel colors. I mean, really! C’mon! The way he watches you…seriously? You don’t see this?” 

Yuri had thought about it for a moment, then shrugged, “Your logic is off, I’m a guy and I work here,” he pointed to the apron tied around his neck, “I even wear this thing…I don’t think that has any bearing on the situa—” 

“You work here because you’re _gay_ ,” his friend reached forward, straightening up his bowtie, “And your favorite color is _pink_ , and I will let you believe what you want to, but I’m just saying to you, he’s not coming in here for any of _us_ —he doesn’t even see us. He only has eyes for you.” 

Yuri had considered what she said, because he’d always figured Ryosuke was ordering things for friends or group members who sometimes met him there. He’d never really wondered about it, at least he had tried very hard to not wonder about it. 

About how long he would take to order sometimes, even though he must have the menu memorized by now. 

The way he sometimes reached a little further, the tips of his fingers touching Yuri’s hand brushing against his fingertips when he would hand over the money. 

Still, Yuri was nothing if not a realist, and frankly, he wasn’t one for flights of fancy or an overactive imagination–or really, one to set himself up for heartbreak—he already had enough of that being one of the few guys like himself in his town, let alone seeing possibilities in someone so far out of his league as Yamada Ryosuke. No, he would continue to insist, anytime it was brought up that Ryosuke was just another customer. 

After all, Yuri served a lot of people every single day and he treated all of them the same, with respect and kindness–because that’s who he was, and it was the foundation of his personality so he didn’t treat Ryosuke any diff—and…and, _wait…was he really just making up excuses to come up to order more stuff so he could talk to me?_

He didn’t make a decision to purposefully do it, but after that, Yuri couldn’t help but pay attention to what was really happening when Ryosuke would visit the café. It was pretty undeniable that he was most certainly spending a lot of time interacting with just Yuri. 

Of course, if Yuri wasn’t so stubborn and utterly, completely obnoxious about the whole situation then it could maybe be easy to imagine that Ryosuke might actually like him or something–which really, even in the constant state of denial, Yuri simply couldn’t begin to understand. 

Confused by his own feelings, Yuri had begun forcing his friend to start waiting on Ryosuke when he would come in—mostly because he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation and he had no idea what to say to Ryosuke to make it clear that he was so far out of his league that a handicap of epic proportions would be required for Yuri to even be permitted into the locker room, let alone onto the playing field. 

Even then, Yuri didn’t remotely miss the way Ryosuke would linger around the register when he would hide in the back, or the way he would sulk, often leaving rather quickly when his ongoing attempts to reach out to Yuri would inevitably fail. His friend had informed him each time that Ryosuke had asked about him specifically by name, thanking her for her smooth deflection each time—and for putting up with the intensity of Ryosuke’s stare down when he would be told that Yuri wasn’t available. He was fierce and his curt nod each time seemed to indicate he understood far more than he was actually saying. 

_It’s better this way._

But today? 

Ryosuke had certainly taken the game up a notch today—he’d been bold, and the fact was Yuri nearly passed out on the spot when Ryosuke had squeezed his wrist before he released it. As he’d picked up his cup, Yuri stared dumbfounded, watching him walk out the door, then looking down at the paper he’d pressed into his hand, the words ’ _Call or text me! Ryosuke_ ’ printed in neat writing, along with his phone number. 

Yuri had instantly went to the office and shredded the paper as small as he could before he threw it away because honestly, there’s no way he wanted to be responsible for some overbearing fan who knew Ryosuke came there regularly to stalk the garbage and get their hands on it. 

The next day, Ryosuke was back, which was unusual, because he didn’t normally come in on Mondays. 

_God_ _, Yuri_ _._

_Could you not?_

_Not what?_

_Admit you know his schedule?_

_Riiight_ _…_ _ummm_ _…sorry._

“You know, I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t call me? Or text me,” Ryosuke’s voice was teasing, and Yuri raised an eyebrow at the familiarity he was using, tilting his head, smiling as angelically as he possibly could, the words sweet, carefully annunciating each syllable, “The usual?” 

“No,” Ryosuke leaned onto the counter, and the scent that Yuri had come to find uniquely ‘Ryosuke’ wafted across the counter. In defense, Yuri immediately held his breath, trying to not hum in satisfaction as Ryosuke smiled disarmingly, his words soft yet full of intensity at the same time, “I want to talk to you.” 

Yuri stepped back away from the counter a bit, taking a deep breath of fresh air, because Ryosuke was entirely too close, his eyes frantic as he glanced around nervously in case anyone was watching their interactions, “I can’t really talk right now, I…I’m working.” 

“When do you get off work?” 

“I-I…what?” 

“I’ll come back when you’re off work, we can talk then?” 

“Ah, no…I mean…I do get off work, but we…you can’t…What can I get you to drink? To eat?” Yuri’s words were a blur, a frenzy as his nervousness escalated, his fingers grabbing the edge of his apron to stop his hands from trembling. 

Ryosuke’s eyes moved around Yuri’s face, his expression intense, clearly trying to read the situation, then his head tilted, his face lighting up with a beautiful smile, “The usual.” 

“O-okay,” Yuri turned, his hands shaking as he began to make his drink, one of the young girls who came in daily after school approaching the counter, calling out Yuri’s name. 

“Yes, Aito-chan?” 

“May I please have one of the orange-cranberry muffins?” 

“Of course,” Yuri had smiled, forgetting all about Ryosuke for a moment as he nodded at the young girl, one he was quite fond of, “I just made them a few hours ago and they are very good!” 

Yuri put the drink into the mixer and then turned, putting on gloves to get the muffin for the girl, “How is your history assignment going?” 

“Really, really good!” the girl gushed, her entire body vibrating with excitement, “Plus, oh my God, guess what?!” 

Yuri laughed happily at her excitement, “What?” 

“I’m in the group with _him_!” 

“Oh, that _is_ exciting, huh?” 

“Very!” the girl glanced over at Ryosuke who had leaned his hip onto the counter, his arms crossed, expression filled with amusement as he watched the interaction. 

“I’m sorry,” the girl startled, “It was very rude for me to place my order like that while you were still here.” 

“It’s okay,” Ryosuke laughed, waving his hand in front him, “Please, don’t concern yourself with it for a moment.” 

Yuri blinked at Ryosuke, chiding himself for being so unguarded, but having a real weakness for Aito, looking back to her as he slid the muffin on the plate across the counter, shaking his head when she went to open her bag, Yuri’s voice soft, “Not today.” 

Aito’s eyes clouded with emotion for a moment, and then she nodded, bowing quickly, “Thank you, Chinen-kun.” 

Yuri watched her as she turned and took her muffin to the corner where she was studying, feeling heat settle across his skin, his eyes darted over to discover Ryosuke looking at him curiously, which once again made his tummy bubble in nervousness, the already active butterflies which always seemed to take up residence there anytime Ryosuke appeared now doing somersaults. 

He immediately turned his attention to the mixer to finish Ryosuke’s drink, doing the thing he knew he best did seem to calm his nerves a bit. 

When the drink was finished, Yuri stepped back over to the counter, sitting Ryosuke’s cup down, and pressing it forward with his fingertips, trying to ensure he kept a proper distance, his words strained, “There you go!” 

Sensing the tone, Ryosuke slid his money across the counter, carefully avoiding touching Yuri, and when Yuri offered him his change, Ryosuke smiled as he pushed it down into the tip jar, Yuri’s eyes widening comically as he realized Ryosuke was the one who kept leaving the fifteen dollar tips! 

_I should have guessed that._

Something flared up inside of Yuri, his cheeks feeling hot and flaming and he took a breath, chastising himself for wanting to tell Ryosuke that he didn’t need charity—knowing it was just a prideful feeling—after all, he was fairly certain Ryosuke must know the tips were divided between all of the employees, and his leaving the money there was a mere act of kindness. 

_He’s just a good guy._

_Is that so hard to believe?_

_Yes._

_Why?_

_There are no good guys._

_Sigh._

_You’re too jaded to be so young._

“Thank you,” Yuri’s voice was soft, a genuine smile gracing his face, and he felt too raw and exposed in that moment, grateful when the door chimed where a new customer was walking in. 

Yuri’s eyes grew wide when he realized that there would be no escaping Ryosuke just yet, as the person who walked in was one of his group members. 

“Dai–chan,” Ryosuke smiled, gesturing to Yuri, “Tell my friend here what you’d like, I’ll take care of it.” 

The boy looked curiously at Yuri from across the counter, his friendly smile somehow unnerving as he told him what he’d like to have. Yuri was happy to escape away from their gaze, turning to prepare the order, studiously ignoring the two of them and their conversation–at least he was sincerely attempting to. 

“So, you know…he didn’t call or text.” 

“Didn’t he?” 

“Nope. Not a call, not a text.” 

“Hmmm, maybe he just doesn’t like you, Yama-chan. I know that’s hard for you to believe, being… _you_ and all that…but maybe tha—” 

“I am not sure that’s what it is.” 

“Hmm…what makes you think not?” 

“I’ll show you in a minute.” 

They were quiet for a moment, and Yuri felt like something was being said silently between the two, resisting the urge to turn and look for himself. 

“Okay, then I’m just saying, I mean if he _did_ like you, I think then he would have called or texted, right?” 

“Maybe, maybe not.” 

Yuri took longer than it should have, not wanting to turn around to them, like, in all the world of things he wanted to do, including having the floor swallow him whole, he did NOT want to turn around and face the two of them because they obviously knew he’d heard every word of their conversation. 

He didn’t want to see their faces; he knew his cheeks were bright red and he was so embarrassed it felt like he was in a spotlight. 

“We should ask him.” 

“Let’s do.” 

_Oh, God please….just kill me now._

Yuri had been standing stone still, the drink finished for several minutes before he gave up, taking a deep, shuddering breath, then turning around to quickly set the drink down in hopes of making a quick escape. Before Yuri could even think about getting away, Ryosuke smiled triumphantly, pointing to the cup Yuri had just set down for his group member and then gesturing to his own, “See? I told you!” 

Ryosuke glanced up at Yuri, winking quickly and then his eyes went back to the other boy who looked at the cups and then looked up at Yuri, his stance defiant, voice whining, “Hey! I want a heart in mine, too!” 

The world felt like it was tilting and Yuri was pretty sure he was going to pass out when he heard Ryosuke laugh softly, telling his friend to shut up, and without his permission, Yuri’s eyes darted down to the cups, widening when he saw it, the feeling of mortification running across his skin when he realized that he had indeed put a row of hearts in the foam on Ryosuke’s and had only done a pattern of circles on the top of his group member’s cup. 

_Kill me now_ _, I’m begging you._

Yuri couldn’t tear his eyes away from the cup with the hearts, a million thoughts battling for dominance, and then he rolled his eyes in exasperation, the words flying out of his mouth rather ineloquently, yet too fast to stop them, “I threw the number away, I have no intention of calling or texting. I…I just…I am in school, and I work, and I don’t have time to think about anything else…I…and I just don’t need pity or anything either.” 

Yuri’s hands lifted to cover his mouth, to stop the word vomit, not meaning to say so much, feeling utterly appalled that he’d said those things out loud, his head shaking as he backed away from the two dumbfounded boys, turning to escape into the back to the manager’s office, his voice high and fast as he bowed, “I’m sorry, I am really sorry, I have to go, it’s an emergency!” 

“Of course, I’ll call in someone, go, take care of what you need.” 

Yuri had never lied to his manager before, in fact, lying wasn’t really part of Yuri’s nature in the first place, and given this, he was fairly certain she must believe something quite dire had transpired to make Yuri willing to leave work, and it had. 

_I’ve_ _lost_ _my_ _mind, clearly._

Yuri grabbed his hoodie from his locker, willing his hands to stop shaking as he threw it on, not bothering to slow down enough to even take off his apron he rushed out the back door, gasping for air. 

He rushed across the street, stepping into the border of the park that he crossed to reach his home when he heard his name from behind him. 

Yuri froze. 

Ryosuke’s voice was soft, and apologetic, “I’m sorry if that was rude…I don’t know what I’m doing, I just want to talk to you.” 

Yuri jumped, not having realized how close he was, waiting for him to block his way, debating how fast he could take off running and get away from this situation—to go where he’d never be found again, after all, he _could_ get a new job. 

“I-I…” Ryosuke’s voice was shaking, and Yuri’s heart clenched because he was so nervous… _wait, honestly, why in the world is he nervous!?_

“This…this isn’t like me okay? I don’t….I just don’t do things like this…” 

_It’s precious._

“I don’t have any idea what I’m doing here…and if I messed up or something you just…” 

_It’s so cute._

“I don’t understand. that’s all..I don’t know what you meant…” 

_He’s so cute._

_Shut up!_

“I don’t know what you meant about pity. I didn’t ask you out from pity. I just…I just really wanted to make sure you knew that.” 

Ryosuke sighed softly, his voice so near Yuri imagined that he must have moved closer still, “I’m sorry to be so persistent. It’s just…I wanted to get to know you. I see you and I know about you, but I want to know you more. That’s all.” 

His words caused Yuri’s heart to skip a beat, his fists clenching at his side as he tried to speak words into the situation that would fix this, make it okay, “I’m sorry, Yamada-san, but you don’t know me at all.” 

“I know you better than you think,” Ryosuke spoke softly, “I know that you are going to school to be a teacher, that you finally graduate this year–and that you choose high school because you think those kids need someone to love them the way they are. I know that you want to teach literature because books have been an escape for you for all of your life and you want to teach kids to love them.” 

Ryosuke shifted, moving a little bit closer, “I know your father left your family when you were seven, and you took on a lot of responsibility for your Mom and sister who is two years older than you.” 

_What?_

“I know that you work as many hours as they’ll let you so that you can pay for your education, which means it has taken you nearly two more years than anyone else to graduate, and on top of that, you always send money home to your Mom and sister to help them as much as you can–even though they tell you not to.” 

_How?_

“I know that you love music, your favorite color is any shade of pink, you love the smell of apple cider but hate to drink it…” 

He’d moved to the side of Yuri, and even though there was a part of him that was really freaked out by Ryosuke stating all of this personal information, somehow wondering if he was a stalker, which would undoubtedly be a really weird turn of events, but…stranger things have happened. 

_After_ _all_ _…I am standing here in a fluffy pink apron talking to Yamada Ryosuke._

Still, despite knowing there should be warning bells, instead there was an insistent part that was telling Yuri that it was okay, _everything is okay…just listen._

_Listen._

“I know that you don’t buy new clothes, and that you have great pride in what you do have, your apron and uniform is always pressed, every single time I see you. I know that you are far cuter in your uniform than anyone else in that whole shop–in fact, the whole city.” 

Yuri could hear the smile in his voice, the warmth settling across his skin like a blanket, his voice soft and tender as he continued to speak, “I know that you are very careful with your money, and I know that you give two of those girls who come into the shop every school day freebies out of your own paycheck because they come from broken homes and their mom’s struggle like your own did.” 

Yuri’s eyes drifted to look at Ryosuke’s shoes when he moved to step in front of him, shoes that probably cost more than eight month’s rent. 

“I know that you take care of those girls, give them advice, listen to them. I know that you also look out for several of your elderly customers, keeping umbrellas on hand in case they get caught in the rain, sending some of your friends to walk them home if they are out past dark.” 

He moved closer to Yuri, his hands moving out of his pockets and Yuri couldn’t conceal the way his entire body flinched, wanting to run away, wanting to back up. 

“I know that you have the purest soul I have ever seen, I know that you couldn’t care less about material things, you find joy in the simplest things, you giggle at children’s laughter, you watch out the window at the wind in the trees. When you get mad you clean. When you are happy, you hum. Sometimes, you even hum one of my songs.” 

“Please,” Yuri gasped, _it’s too much_ , “How…I’ve never even talked to you!” 

“That’s true,” Ryosuke mused, his hand lifting to delicately touch Yuri’s chin, tilting his face up to look at him, Yuri’s breath caught in his chest from the contact, from the earnest look in Ryosuke’s eyes, “You don’t talk to _me_ , but you do talk to _everyone else_.” 

_He’d listened._

For all of these many months, Ryosuke had been paying attention, and he’d been learning about Yuri by listening to him talk to the other customers, some of them people that knew Yuri since he was just a toddler. It never occurred to Yuri to censor himself, and he was never worried about talking in the café…it was like his second home. He trusted people there, and his guard was always down, always down apart from with Ryosuke–because Yuri did like him, and that was dangerous and scary, and _impossible_. 

“I know everything apart from one thing,” Ryosuke’s finger stayed on his chin, insistent that he not hide, “Why you won’t talk to _me_.” 

Yuri shook his head, pushing Ryosuke’s hand away, shifting around him so he could rush past him, the words frantic, “I have to go.” 

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Ryosuke was begging, his voice louder as Yuri’s feet carried him away, “Please!” 

“What did I do?” Ryosuke called out, desperation laced within the words. 

“Please!” 

Yuri could tell he was following him, that he was not going to give up, his head shaking as he tried to block the words. 

“Tell me why you won’t talk to me!” 

It was nearly a scream, and it made Yuri jump, made him stop, turning on Ryosuke, a strange mixture of anger and frustration and fear combining into a response, “You want to know why? Because this,” Yuri’s hand gestured between the two of them, “ _This is not possible._ This is not going to happen. You are you and I am me, and it’s not remotely possible for us to have anything more than a professional relationship. I am _always_ going to be the barista, and you are _always_ going to be the idol.” 

Ryosuke’s mouth opened and closed, flabbergasted, his head shaking, his expression not remotely hiding his confusion and hurt feelings, “What in the world…what do you mean?” 

Yuri sighed, crossing his arms across his chest, his voice pained, “I am nothing like you, I don’t fit you, you need one of those _other_ kind of people who , I dunno , who know the difference between types of wine, and who knows which fork to use for what course, and all of those things–who knows name brands and likes expensive and weird things like caviar…I’m not that person! Honestly, I’m nobody. I have _nothing_ to offer you. I bring _nothing_ to the table. You would only be with me because _you feel sorry for me_.” 

“That’s a lie!” Ryosuke’s voice was firm, his body shifting toward Yuri, like he was preparing to step closer, his eyes intense as they held Yuri’s, daring him to argue, “ _T_ _hat’s_ _completely false_ . I want to take you out because you are an amazing guy, and because I think there’s something so unique and speci –but now, wait, _wait just a minute_ –what in the world would make you think any of that? Did I say or do something or is this because you know I’m an idol and that automatically makes me a stuck-up brat who doesn’t eat frozen pizza and drink beer on the weekends?” 

Yuri stared at him, his mouth growing dry, opening and closing before he spoke softly, “You _don’t_ eat frozen pizza and drink beer.” 

“I most certainly do,” Ryosuke laughed, shaking his head, “Do you honestly think I cook seven course meals daily just because I know how to cook? Or that I pay a personal chef to cook for me or something?” 

“I–I don’t know…I–You’re…you’re confusing me.” Yuri clenched his eyes closed, trying to clear his head, to make sense of this conversation. 

“No, I’m telling you the _truth_ , I don’t know why you thought these things, but it feels like you’re doing to me what you’ve been saying I was doing to you!” 

Yuri startled at that, weighing the words for truth and finding it was fact, his eyes popping open, his brows drawn down, “I’m sorry,” his voice was a mere whisper, “I just…I don’t know why you’re so interested in me.” 

Ryosuke darted forward so fast Yuri inhaled sharply as he invaded his personal bubble. 

Yuri trembled at his proximity when he moved close enough to whisper against his ear, his voice soft, and gentle, the smooth sound of his words making Yuri’s eyes flutter closed, “Yuri, I am interested in you because you are _fascinating_ , and it has _nothing_ to do with where you work, what you wear, or where you live–it’s because of _who you are_.” 

Yuri’s mouth popped open to protest, but it was like Ryosuke could read his mind, “I don’t know who told you that you were nobody, but I’m going to see to it one way or another that you realize it’s a lie.” 

Ryosuke leaned back, his face entirely too close to Yuri’s, his eyes filled with sincerity, “Just…please, just let me take you out. Let me get to know you the way those people do.” 

“I can’t give you anything, Yamada-san,” Yuri glanced down, the truth causing him to feel embarrassed again, “I can–” 

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Ryosuke interrupted him, his voice firm, “You can give me the only thing I want, the thing that no fame, no fortune, no amount of prestige, talent, skill, or abilities will ever afford me…” 

Yuri looked up at him, his eyes wide, afraid that the spell was going to be broken, feeling overwhelmed as Ryosuke smiled softly, the corners of his eyes tender with emotion, “ _You._ ” 

“Me?” 

“Yes,” Ryosuke nodded, “You. Please, give me a chance. Forget the notions you’ve built up about why you should run, and let me reassure you–convince you to stay.” 

Yuri felt a war within, wondering if he could, or maybe more importantly if he should believe the things Ryosuke was saying, if he should so easily toss all of his excuses aside. 

They were always stupid excuses, Yuri knew that, because the truth is, he wasn’t one to take risks, especially not in relationships. He’d rather be alone than suffer from caring for someone else and them not feeling the same. 

“Ok-okay,” Yuri nodded, surprised when the word flew out of his mouth. 

“Really?” Ryosuke’s eyes were wide, his voice high, “Seriously?” 

Yuri couldn’t help but laugh, because Ryosuke’s expression looked so excited, so happy, and he shrugged, nodding, “Okay.” 

Ryosuke laughed, grabbing his hand, and started to drag Yuri toward the sidewalk, Yuri looked around in confusion, “Wait, what are we doing, Yamada-san?” 

Ryosuke stopped, looking at Yuri with amusement, “Ryosuke,” he corrected firmly, “and we’re going on a date.” 

He started walking again, and Yuri tried to stop him, pulling back on his arm, “Wait, what? Now?” 

“If you think I’m giving you a chance to change your mind, you can forget it!” 

_He has a point._

_Shut up._

_Just saying._

“Where are we going, Yama–” Yuri stopped mid-sentence when Ryosuke frowned, clearing his throat before he tested the name, “Ryosuke?” 

“To dinner,” Ryosuke smiled, dragging him toward a taxi. 

“Dinner…” Yuri’s mind flittered to his appearance, to the jeans and t-shirt he had on under that stupid apron and coat, his hands shaking with nerves as he pulled his hand free, untying the apron to drag it off and fold it into his arms, gesturing to himself and his hoodie, “I’m not…I’m not wearing the right clot–” 

“Relax,” Ryosuke mused, opening the cab door, holding his hadn out for Yuri to hop in, “We’re going to this cute little Italian restaurant I love, a normal, everyday place. Besides, to be honest, you’re dressed perfect for at least 99% of what I actually do in my life.” 

“You sure?” 

“Positive.” 

“But…what if…” 

“We’re eating _pizza._ ” 

Ryosuke smiled softly when Yuri got into the taxi, shifting into the seat to make room for him to slide in, not trusting his words, he just nodded in agreement. 

_That sounds good._

Ryosuke glanced over at Yuri, their legs touching as he moved forward, telling the driver where to take them, and then turned to look at Yuri, his eyes twinkling, “Pizza…and then we’re going to really talk.” 

_That sounds even better._


	2. I'll Remind You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryosuke & Yuri went to have pizza and then enjoyed their evening together, learning a lot about each other and themselves at the same time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this here, I'd love to invite you to my website! I usually post my stories there first and then decide if I'll bring them here. I'm in the process of moving all my stories from Tumblr onto that platform--and it features the ability to join a mailing list to get instant notification when I publish a new story! 
> 
> https://julietalayne.pink/listen-ill-remind-you/
> 
> I look forward to seeing you there!

* * *

Music Inspiration: We’ll Be A Dream–We The Kings featuring Demi Lovato

* * *

Dinner ended up being a lot of fun, despite Yuri being a huge ball of nerves for the first twenty minutes or so, he stayed mostly silent, nodding his head and answering in monosyllabic responses as they settled down and looked over the menus, ordered food, and waited to be served. He was pretty amazed by the way Ryosuke just sort of seemed to be so self-assured and relaxed—taking control of pretty much everything and handling ordering and everything. The only thing Yuri could think was that it was a byproduct of being an idol…it was no telling the kinds of situations that Ryosuke was thrust into on a regular basis, so it wasn’t really surprising he seemed to take most everything in stride. 

The only time he really showed any nervousness was when the ticket came.

“I know we didn’t discuss this,” Ryosuke had swallowed roughly, his eyes sincere when he looked up at Yuri who had no idea what in the world he had become so serious over, “…but…I would like to pay for your dinner. I mean, I am the one who asked you to come here with me.”

Yuri tilted his head, not completely sure what the proper etiquette was for this moment—like was he supposed to initially turn this offer down? The way he’d seen in movies, was like the person denied it and then they would go back and forth, and the person would relent. Is that being polite? Is that how he should handle it? Or…was he supposed to immediately thank him for his generosity? To say yes up front? Because he was right, he did invite him, didn’t he? Was he supposed to insist on paying half? Was he supposed to offer to pay all of it?

His mind buzzed with all of the possibilities, nervousness feeling like it was suffocating him, trying to calculate how much money he actually had in his pockets and whether it would be enough to pay for the meal or not—and then would he still have enough to get home—an entirely other issue, as he had no idea where they even were but given the distance they’d traveled he figured his apartment definitely wasn’t within walking distance.

He was so confused, after all, in reality, this was his very first date. 

Ryosuke immediately sensed the panic that was flooding Yuri, reaching his hand out to squeeze Yuri’s under the table, “Hey…it’s not a big deal. I’ll pay this time and next time I promise that we’ll discuss it and make sure we’re on the same page before we get to the end of the meal…will that be okay?”

Yuri wanted to say no…he wasn’t sure why, but he suspected it was a pride issue, he wasn’t used to people taking care of money things—he’d lived on his own for so long now and insisted on being self-sufficient, the very idea of someone paying for his food felt like an insult. 

_ But…aren’t dates different…isn’t this okay? _ __

_ What if it’s because he feels sorry for me though?  _ __

_ What if it’s because he pities me? _ __

“Yuri?” Ryosuke’s voice was soft as he leaned closer to him, “I really wanted to take you out for so long now…please let this be my date, and next time we can discuss it. It’s not because I think you can’t pay or don’t want to pay or anything like that—it’s because I want to do this and it’s something in my head about the order of things—I just…I guess it’s stupid and old fashioned, but…I just want to pay…please…just let me this one time?”

“Okay,” the word was just a whisper, and Yuri didn’t even realize what he’d said because he was still stuck on the words that Ryosuke had just said. 

_ This time… _

_ and next time… _

_ Next time. _

_ He wants to go out again. _

Yuri shook himself out of his internal musings when Ryosuke shifted to move out of his chair, apparently having paid for the meal while Yuri was lost in his thoughts, his smile beautiful when he turned to to wait for Yuri to be ready, his hands grasping a small box that contained the piece of pizza they couldn’t eat, “I had them box this up for you…”

“Thank you,” Yuri felt his cheeks become warm, standing, and moving with Ryosuke toward the exit, “For the pizza and for  _ this _ …all of this…just  _ thank you _ .”

Ryosuke was studying him, his brows drawn down, “You’re welcome, and I want to say thank you as well…”

“I didn’t do anything,” Yuri admitted weakly, shaking his head but Ryosuke shushed him immediately, “You gave me a chance, you came here with me, that’s everything.”

Yuri shook his head, wondering how Ryosuke knew how to say everything so perfectly, wishing he had some of that ability as it felt like he was more or less constantly putting his foot in his mouth and embarrassing himself. Turning away from him, as he didn’t really know what to say, he was feeling weird about the fact that he’d only just realized that the probability was that Ryosuke was that seasoned at this because he’d probably been on tons of dates before. 

_ Of course, he has, he probably has a line of girls…or…guys? I dunno, but he probably has a whole line of them waiting to go out with him… _ __

He felt like his whole body was on fire as a wave of pure jealousy spread through him, his fingers clenching tightly at the thought but then he chided himself because he had no rights to have any kinds of questionable feelings about anything in regard to Ryosuke. 

_ He’s him, and I’m me.  _

_ Don’t be stupid. _

_ Don’t get carried away. _

Though, the very idea of Ryosuke dating other people was a surprise to Yuri really, because he thought the idols weren’t allowed to date, but if Ryosuke’s behavior was any indication—then he’d surely done this plenty of times. There was a small voice in the back of his head that argued with him, replaying the words from earlier that afternoon to remind him of how sincere and nervous Ryosuke had been, trying to measure this current Ryosuke side by side with that one. 

Yuri glanced up at the sky, surprised to discover it was completely dark, “Oh my gosh, how long were we in there?”

Ryosuke laughed, “A while I guess,” glancing at his watch, he smiled, “It’s almost ten!”

“Wow!” Yuri was amazed they’d talked that long, it had felt like minutes—not hours, and then, suddenly he felt a yawn coming on moments before it actually burst out, his apology distorted as he waved his hand in front of his face, “I’m sorry, I swear I’m not bored…I had classes this morning and then work right after so…”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t even think about how early you must have gotten up today, seriously, let me take you home,” Ryosuke waited for Yuri to answer, glancing up and down the street to see if there was a taxi available.

_ Let me take you home. _

Yuri felt a brick settle into the pit of his tummy, because he was not prepared for this date, and he certainly wasn’t prepared to have Ryosuke see his home.

_ Nope…not happening.  _

His eyes widened as anxiety spread through him, his expression worried for a moment before he could school his expression, but Ryosuke saw it, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Yuri tried to keep the panic out of his voice, shrugging, shifting the box that held his extra slice of pizza from one hand to the other nervously, “I just don’t want you to be put out, I can get a taxi and head home, there’s nothing for you to concern yourself with.”

He wanted to kick his own ass for being so weird, honestly, who is so formal with someone on a date when they’d spent five hours talking about stupid stuff including the most mortifying time in his life when the first time he’d gotten drunk at a party then promptly confessed his undying love to the most popular boy in school. 

Ryosuke stared at Yuri for a moment, clearly trying to read the situation, shrugging, his voice soft, “We can do whatever you want to do, there’s no pressure here…” Ryosuke shuffled his feet, glancing down at the ground between them, “…but…I mean, I really don’t mind…and it’s…quite a ways back to the café…and I don’t know where you live…so…”

_ You don’t know where I live, and it will be a cold day in hell before you do… _

Yuri tilted his head, trying to think of how to explain something, anything to Ryosuke that might make sense, “I don’t know where we are to be honest,” he felt bashful suddenly, “I don’t really go very many places, mostly from home to school to work to home to school and so on…then to my Mom’s and my Grandmother’s but otherwise…I am more or less a creature of habit so to speak. So, I guess, it’s good taxi drivers know the city so well.”

“Well, at least I can take you to a taxi,” Yuri could tell by Ryosuke’s voice that it wasn’t what he really wanted to do and he had to wonder how far Ryosuke would go to make him feel comfortable?

Ryosuke held his hand out, “Would that be okay?”

“Alright,” Yuri nodded, his eyes looking at Ryosuke’s hand for a long moment before he tentatively reached out, not closing the distance between them, but not particularly surprised when Ryosuke reached further and grabbed his hand, turning to lead him to the corner where they could wait for a taxi.

As they stood together waiting, Yuri wondered about each of the people who were passing them by, certainly there weren’t all that many out at this hour, but he was still really curious, tugging on Ryosuke’s hand, causing Ryosuke to glance over at him, “Is…is this okay?”

Ryosuke looked at him curiously, “Is what okay?”

“This,” he wiggled their hands, “I mean…is it okay for you to…be…so open like this?”

Ryosuke finally caught up after his expression had twisted into the cutest little confused face Yuri had ever seen, laughing, “It’s just a rumor we’re not allowed to date.”

“Really?” Yuri tried to make sense of that, because he’d always heard that the idols weren’t allowed to have relationships at all. 

_ Well, you idiot, you already decided he’d been dating a lot of people before now, obviously, he’s allowed to date, duh. _

“Yeah,” Ryosuke shrugged, glancing down the road to see if there was a taxi approaching yet, “I mean, we’re supposed to be…discreet…but there’s no real policy about it. It just sells more products if we keep that illusion, that’s all…”

“Isn’t it important for  _ you  _ to keep that illusion?” Yuri asked, unable to stop himself because he  _ knew _ Ryosuke— _ Ryosuke the Idol. _

_ Hell, everyone knows Ryosuke…he’s a national idol…he’s stupidly famous. _

_ There’s never been a single rumor about him and any girls. _

_ Which means the girls he went out with were really good people…because… _

_ He’s never been caught on a date before. _

_ He’s the prince character in his group. _

_ He’s the one all the girls wanted to marry. _

_ Wouldn’t him being discovered dating be destructive to his career? _

_ Wouldn’t dating a guy be even more destructive? _

Ryosuke had been staring at Yuri while he considered what it was Yuri might really want to know, “I won’t get in trouble for taking you out, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he carefully released Yuri’s hand, gesturing to the bench outside the restaurant behind them, “Sit for a moment?”

“Alright,” Yuri followed him to the bench where Ryosuke sat, turning his body sideways so he could look at Yuri while he spoke.

“I…it’s just…You make me forget who I am,” Ryosuke blurted the words out, laughing nervously after he said it, “Like…I don’t mean to be so…direct…or…yes, I mean….it is true about the way we’re supposed to be, and I’m not…I mean there’s no rule, but I have been…advised.”

“Advised?” Yuri was curious what kind of ‘advisement’ Johnny’s would give to an idol of Ryosuke’s stature. 

“Yeah, like…we have these meetings and stuff and of course, my manager knows everything, it’s impossible to keep anything from him—and it’s like…you make me want to forget all of that, to just not think about it.” 

“It must be hard?” Yuri had wondered about this, about this kind of life and what it must be like for someone like Ryosuke. 

“It can be, but I mean, I  made the choice, I want to be where I am, right? I want to be who I am, I’m happy and satisfied, so…it’s just so confusing.”

Ryosuke tilted his head up to look at the stars in the sky, sighing, “I know it is wisdom to not be involved with anyone…that I should you know…”

Yuri felt his heart clench, these words not ones he wanted to hear, not now, not after this evening.

Ryosuke glanced back at Yuri, his brows drawn down as he shook his head, expression sad, “I just…I know I should be careful and it’s probably a really bad thing for my career…”

_ Oh no…please. _

Yuri felt like he could burst into tears, his eyes instantly stinging from the imminent rejection he felt coming on. 

Ryosuke shifted, his body turning toward the road as he tried to gather his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip and he chastised himself for not having this already figured out, for not already addressing this. He’d been so focused on just getting Yuri to let him take him out he hadn’t really thought much further than that in reality.

He turned to look at Yuri, taking in his expression, his eyes widening, “Oh my gosh, Yuri…I don’t mean…”

“I’m sorry, it’s not like what you’re thinking,” he sighed, shaking his head as he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, “Honestly, I am just not very good at this, am I?”

Yuri was confused, trying to think of what to say, wanting to make sure Ryosuke knew how much he had appreciated even this one night, the one chance to go on a date with him—something he could treasure forever, “It’s alright, Yamada-san,” Ryosuke’s body jerked at the formal name, his mouth opening to speak, but Yuri raised his voice, “Thank you for today, it was a sweet gift, but you really need to take care of yourself, and your career, and I understand that, I really do.”

“What…” Ryosuke was dumbfounded, “What do you think we’re talking about here?”

“Umm…how you need to be careful and not date someone like me, so you don’t mess up your career?” Yuri said the words as plainly as he could, trying to be sure that Ryosuke wouldn’t feel guilty and understand that he was thankful for this moment in time.

“Or,” Ryosuke shifted to move closer to Yuri, his voice low as a couple passed them by, “Maybe what I am trying to say is that I’ve never wanted to be with anyone who made me need to figure this out before, so I don’t know what I’m doing or how I should be doing it…” 

Yuri’s eyes were wide as he stared at Ryosuke, blinking when he smiled broadly, “It’s your fault anyway, isn’t it?”

Yuri sputtered, “M-my fault…”

“You make me want to be who I really am, who I want to be, and I feel more me when I’m with you than I have ever felt in my whole life.”

His fingers grazed Yuri’s hand, but he didn’t take it in his own, instead, he pulled his hands in, crossing his arms as if to stop them from acting on their own accord, “I don’t know why I keep touching you…I just…I guess I want to make sure you’re real, to keep you close…I’m sorry.”

“You want to b-be with me? To—to keep me close?”

Ryosuke laughed, his eyes twinkling as he teased Yuri, “I know you’re an absolutely brilliant guy, Yuri, but seriously I don’t know how I need to say this so you will actually understand.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just all so…confusing.”

“Let me clear this up for you,” he shifted, freezing when a taxi slowed down in front of them, the window rolling down and the man asking him if they needed a ride.

“Yes, sir, we do,” Ryosuke looked at Yuri apologetically. 

They approached the car, Ryosuke opened the door for Yuri and gesturing for him to get in.

Yuri nodded, sliding into the taxi, turning to look at Ryosuke who was leaning in the door but not getting in, “I can get another one?” 

Yuri had the same panic from before tickling at his nerves, but he figured they could at least go back to the café, so he shrugged, “He can take us to the shop, and I can go home from there, I walk to work and…I figure—your ride is there, right?”

“Yeah,” Ryosuke nodded, sliding into the taxi and instructing the driver on the address of the café to take them to before he turned to look at Yuri, his voice low as he spoke, clearly trying to ensure the driver could not hear him, he leaned close to Yuri, the scent of his cologne nearly as intoxicating as the way his breath brushed his cheek as he spoke, “I want to take you out again…tomorrow, the next day…I want to be with you as long as you’ll allow me.”

Yuri startled, the words were so blunt, so forward, his eyes wide as Ryosuke bumped his chin into his shoulder, and Yuri could tell he was smiling even though he couldn’t see his face, “Do you understand that?”

“I-I think so,” Yuri guessed he did understand but he didn’t know why, it didn’t really make sense to him, his eyes wide as Ryosuke drew back, his palm sliding up his leg to grab his hand, entwining their fingers together and Yuri felt like he should remind him that he literally had said they should be discreet not even five minutes ago, but at the same time, he didn’t want to because it felt so nice to have his hand holding his own. 

He figured the driver couldn’t see what they were doing with their hands anyway so he stopped worrying about it and just decided to enjoy it, twisting his head to the side to try to look at Ryosuke, but he was so close their noses bumped into one another. 

They both laughed, and Ryosuke leaned back a bit, “Sorry…it’s just…you smell  _ really _ good.”

Yuri turned to look at him again, surprised, “What?”

Ryosuke was glad for the darkness inside the taxi that made it so that Yuri couldn’t see how embarrassed he was, heat spreading all the way up to his ears, “I was…smelling you.”

“Smelling me?” Yuri laughed then, he didn’t mean to, but he just couldn’t help it, amused, “What do I smell like?”

He was sincerely curious because he didn’t really use anything except soap and shampoo in the shower—not really able to afford other products and certainly not any kind of good smelling cologne.

Ryosuke shrugged, biting his bottom lip for a moment before he responded in a whisper, “Cupcakes.”

“Hmm…that makes sense,” Yuri admitted, considering that the smells from the bakery surely did get on his clothing and things, “Do you  _ like _ cupcakes?”

Yuri felt stupid, he knew it was the worst attempt at flirting in the history of all romance, but he said it without giving it even a small amount of consideration, chewing on the inside of his cheek because he already wished he could take it back. 

“You know I  _ love _ them,” Ryosuke smiled at him, thinking the teasing was cute because he always purchased strawberry cupcakes as part of his normal order every single time he came to the café–and Yuri almost always served them to him, so he knew they were both fully aware of how much he enjoys them, his lips twisting into a grin as he leaned a little bit closer, “But I definitely prefer  _ this  _ more…”

“What’s ‘ _ this _ ’?” Yuri tilted his head in confusion.

“How the cupcakes smell on you,” Ryosuke leaned closer and Yuri realized he was actually inhaling, “You smell so sweet, but it’s like more than a cupcake…it’s…”

Ryosuke shook his head, shifting toward the window, clearly overwhelmingly embarrassed at the whole conversation at this point, setting the words firmly, “It’s good.”

“Well, that’s  _ good _ then I guess?” Yuri wanted to console him but he didn’t know what to say or how to say it so he just settled for squeezing his hand softly, to which Ryosuke squeezed back, his eyes soft when he turned to look at him, “You were there all of those times weren’t you? The times when they said you weren’t?”

_ Oh, we’re just gonna dive into all of this now then. _

“Yes,” Yuri confirmed immediately, “I was, but I felt like it was better for me to put distance between us instead of encouraging you.”

“Because you thought I was not someone who could care about you?”

“I guess…it’s like I really don’t understand even now,” Yuri admitted, his voice soft, his eyes moving past Ryosuke to watch as the lights zoomed by outside the window,

“Understand why I wanted to take you out?”

“Yeah,” Yuri’s eyes moved to look at Ryosuke against his will, only to discover Ryosuke was staring intently at him, his expression filled with an emotion he couldn’t quite put his finger on but it seemed like it was related to aggravation.

“Did someone hurt you?” Ryosuke asked the question his brows drawing down. 

“No,” Yuri shook his head, “No one has hurt me, it wasn’t like that…even the guy I drunk confessed to was actually really nice to me, even after that we talked some and he never made fun of me despite it being awkward as hell given the fact I hadn’t actually come out at that point. He stopped people from making fun of me actually, like got into a fist fight with one of the other guys on the sports team he was the captain of—he was…he was really nice, and we hung out a lot after that…he ended up going away to college though so I haven’t talked to him since graduation.”

Ryosuke hummed softly, his brows drawn down, his voice heavy as asked, “He liked you then?”

“What? No…no…he didn’t,” Yuri couldn’t help but laugh at the very idea that his friend had  _ like liked _ him, “No, it wasn’t like that at all, he just was a really nice guy, that’s all, he dated a lot of girls, like the head of the cheer squad, girls like that, he was the prom king and he was in a two year relationship with the prom queen by our Senior year.”

“Okay,” Ryosuke laughed softly, shaking his head, because every new discovery about Yuri was a delight, and his pure heart was one of the parts of him he was fascinated with, “You say all of that like it negates the fact that he clearly was into you.”

“Between you and I—not to be rude—but I think I know the guy and you’re absolutely wrong, he didn’t like me he was jus–”

“Kindness does not make someone hang around with a person who has shown overt interest in them, it also does not make them protect them, that’s not kindness, that was him going a step further than kindness…he probably was one of those guys who was going to be in denial his whole life, huh? Like family expectations, stuff like that?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Yuri was confused, tilting his head as he replayed Ryosuke’s words through his mind but discovering that did not give him any more insight into what he was trying to convey.

“He wouldn’t be able to come out because his family or whatever would not be okay with it, so he’ll like…have a token wife and pretend to be happy but he’ll be sad and lonely no matter what…”

“Because you think he was into me?”

“Yeah, I know he was,” Ryosuke answered with such a firm tone, like it was just a matter of fact, Yuri couldn’t help but wonder how he could be so confident.

“Why do you think that?”

“He sounds like me? Doesn’t he? I mean, he was willing to put his own needs to the side to be close to you, to be your friend, because to him being your friend was going to have to be enough. I can fully understand that, after all I spent six months coming into the café to see you with zero indication that you would ever even consider going out with me—in fact, I started coming in at the start without confirming that you even liked guys just because…I mean…I wanted to be near you, it’s like the overflow of your heart is…”

Ryosuke shook his head, feeling himself getting carried away and certain it would overwhelm Yuri, so he shook his head, “Just know, I understand guys like that guy—that’s all I am saying. Whatever he felt it wasn’t just ‘average’ friendship—you should just trust me on that.”

Yuri contemplated this, the very idea that his friend had maybe had some kind of feelings for him, an array of memories assaulting his senses—and incredibly, through this new way of thinking about things, it felt like maybe Ryosuke wasn’t so far off the mark after all…certainly, in his innocent naivety Yuri had never once imagined that his friend could have had even the most remote of feelings for him, but if he was going to look at it from this new perspective—then…maybe, just maybe, he did.

“Huh…” Yuri glanced back at Ryosuke, “I dunno for sure.”

“Well, I do,” Ryosuke laughed, turning to see that they were pulling up to the sidewalk outside the café, “And frankly, I’m relieved he left to go away to college.”

Yuri blinked at that declaration.

_ As if there’s any competition, my God, he carries on about ME not seeing things clearly.  _

He released Yuri’s hand, stepping out of the car, holding the door for Yuri, then closing it after he’d stepped onto the sidewalk, leaning in to pay for the taxi, and then thanking the man as he pulled away.

He turned to look at Yuri, who was standing there on the sidewalk looking so small, so tiny, all Ryosuke wanted to do was hug him. He knew he’d undoubtedly already made Yuri feel uncomfortable with such a high level of affection already, so he wouldn’t do it, but man, he really wanted to.

He ran his hands down his sweater nervously, “Anyway…”

“Yeah,” Yuri smiled at him, sensing that he was a little out of his element now that they were standing here at the end of their impromptu date, and for his own sake, he had to clarify, just to be sure, just so there was no misunderstanding at all, “So…about the stuff you were saying before…it’s…not a problem if…I mean not to presume anything but you did say you’d like to…see each other…”

“I said I want to be with you as long as you’ll allow me,” Ryosuke corrected him gently, stepping a little bit closer, “I don’t just want to see you…that’s too…small.”

He paused, swallowing roughly, his brows drawing down as his expression took on a gentle nature, “I’m sorry to be so…forward…or intense, I don’t want to be too much, I just…” he shrugged, “I don’t know how to explain it to be honest.”

“It’s okay,” Yuri couldn’t help but smile at how precious he was, “I think I understand it just fine myself, even if I’m not showing it outwardly, internally, I get it, believe me…”

Ryosuke nodded, tilting his head when Yuri continued, “But…what if….I mean, like you said, there are complications and…I don’t want to hurt your career or anything li—”

“Don’t worry about that,” Ryosuke interrupted him, sincerity clear in his words, “I’m sorry, I mean, I really am because I was flustered and I couldn’t think,” he laughed lightly shaking his head, “I mean you have a curious effect on me to be honest, and I’ve never been one to be…flustered I guess is the right word, but you make me all kinds of ways confused.”

They both laughed and whatever tension had been in the air fueled by uncertainty seemed to dissipate with their combined smiles, Ryosuke stepped closer still, “There’s plenty of ways to handle things like this and while I respect and understand your concerns, the truth is, being with you will be far easier than being with a girl in a myriad of ways.”

Yuri wondered at this, his head tilting as he tried to consider how this could possibly be true. He also filtered the comment through the thoughts he had about how many dates Ryosuke had undoubtedly been on and for some reason felt far more threatened by the idea that he’d been on those dates with boys and not girls.

“I mean, if I liked girls, which I mean you didn’t specifically ask but I’ll just make it clear to you that like your description…what was it? ‘Girls are not my type’? Yeah, that’s about it for me, I think girls are pretty and soft and that’s all great, but to be honest I have never felt any kind of genuine attraction to them on any level other than a strange association with my Mom which we definitely don’t need to get into on our first date.”

Yuri giggled as he nodded, liking the way Ryosuke’s cheeks pinked at the words he’d said, reassuring him, “I’ll file that away to bring up on another day then.”

“Please do,” Ryosuke laughed at himself, shrugging, “There’s some unpacking to do there I’m sure. Still, the whole point is, no one will question us hanging out together, we can go where we want, do what we want, as long as we don’t act romantic, honestly, no one could ever say anything about it. I couldn’t get by with that with a girl, not  in a million years.”

“Huh,” Yuri understood what he meant, “That’s…actually really clever…so,” he hated himself for the way he cringed at the thought but asked the question anyway, “If you went with a girl to pizza tonight?”

“If pictures had been leaked it would have been a fiasco, but I mean, I guess pictures of me holding your hand would have also created quite the sensation—so I mean, that’s why I said as long as we refrain from affection in public then we’ll be fine to go and do whatever we want to do.”

Yuri hummed in understanding, blinking rapidly when Ryosuke took a step closer, “I recognize that I am responsible for all of the crossing lines and making a mess of things today, and I’m really sorry for being…such a handful… but I will do my best to do better—” his grin was positively mesmerizing and Yuri felt like the world was spinning when he spoke the words so softly, “You kinda drive me crazy though, so…I might need reminding.”

Yuri wanted to scoff at him, like he had some supernatural level of self-control or ability to keep his impulses in check but then, he instantly realized that he’d do whatever Ryosuke needed him to do, so he supposed that if this was it, he’d do it, nodding his head, “ _ I’ll remind you. _ ”

Ryosuke nodded, his fingers reaching up to brush gently across Yuri’s cheek, his words soft, “And when you get all dumb and forget how utterly amazing you are,  _ I’ll remind you. _ ”

Yuri was just about to tease him for such cheesy words, and to probably insist they weren’t exactly true as far as amazing goes and all that, when he was suddenly overtaken by a violent yawn, causing Ryosuke to frown, “You need sleep, enough talk for tonight, my car is in the lot around the side there…do you…want me to drive you to your house?”

“No!” Yuri practically screamed it, laughing nervously, and suddenly feeling wide awake, “I mean, no..no it’s not a problem, I live close, so don’t worry a bit about it, you go home now.”

“If you’re sure?” Ryosuke just wanted a few more minutes with him but he knew it was stupid and of course he couldn’t really insist he let him drive him home so he was trying to be as normal as he could about all of this but frankly, it was a whole lot harder than it should be.

“I’m positive,” Yuri confirmed, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

“Well, then…at least you can send me a message when you get home? I can put my number into your phone so you ca–”

“I don’t have a phone,” Yuri blurted out, “I mean…there’s a phone I can use, but I don’t actually have a cellphone.”

“You don’t…have…ahhh…but…”

Yuri felt embarrassed, all of his concerns about how different the two of them were feeling like it was shining a spotlight on him at the moment, fully prepared for Ryosuke to ask him how he could possibly live without a cellphone.

“How will I know you made it home safely?”

That definitely wasn’t what Yuri imagined Ryosuke saying, and measuring him, he knew he was being completely serious, he really only wanted to be told he was home safely.

_ Huh. _

“I can email you? If you have email? I have a laptop through my school at home, so I do have the ability to send an email…would that…work?”

“Yeah,” Ryosuke nodded, relief evident in his expression, “That would be great.”

Yuri couldn’t help but tease him, “You know I managed to go home by myself every single day before today, right?”

“Yes, yes,” Ryosuke rolled his eyes, “I get it, I get it! I know it doesn’t make sense, and I can’t explain it so just…please, indulge me in this one thing.”

“Alright,” Yuri nodded, “…but I don’t have anything to write it down on—I sort of…” he couldn’t help but look down, his cheeks pinking in embarrassment, “I sort of ran out of work without really thinking about grabbing my stuff out of my locker.”

Ryosuke laughed, shrugging as he gestured for Yuri to follow him, “It’s no big deal, I have paper and a pen in my car, I’ll write it down on there for you.”

Yuri nodded, following Ryosuke as they went around the side of the building where the café was located. There was only one car in the tiny parking area, and even if Yuri hadn’t known it was Ryosuke’s–somehow, it felt like he would have imagined it. He didn’t know anything at all about cars, in fact, to his recollection he had only ever been in a car once before when his Grandmother had taken his family on a vacation to the sea—and it was a tiny rental car even then. 

_ This is no rental. _

Yuri watched as Ryosuke dug in his pocket, producing a set of keys as he approached the car, the sound of the alarm being disengaged loud in his ears. Ryosuke was interacting with this car so casually.

_ And why shouldn’t he?  _

_ He’s wildly successful and deserves every single wonderful thing he has earned through his hard work. _

Yet…Yuri couldn’t shake the feeling that he shouldn’t even be breathing in the mere vicinity of it. He was positive, even not knowing anything, that this car probably cost more than his entire education…probably more than his Mom’s house…hell, his Mom’s and his Grandmother’s house together, maybe.

Ryosuke opened the passenger door, leaning into the car to retrieve something, then moved over to use the hood of the car to prop up on while he wrote something, then he turned to Yuri who was still standing there staring blankly. Ryosuke was confused by his expression, looking at himself and then the car and back to Yuri confusedly, “Do I have something on me?”

“Wh–what? No!” Yuri snapped out of his internal monologue, taking the paper from Ryosuke’s outstretched hand, “I’ll send a message to you as soon as I get home.”

Ryosuke smiled, turning to close the car door, glancing back at Yuri as he held it open, his head gesturing to the car, “You sure you don’t want me to take you home?”

“I’m sure,” Yuri confirmed, “Thank you though—for everything.”

Ryosuke nodded, closing the door before he walked back to stand in front of Yuri, “It was my pleasure, really—and thank you for going with me…”

There was a moment, a weird sort of moment that seemed to waver on the line between soft and awkward, and probably it could have went either direction, likely awkward if Yuri had anything to do with it, but before it could go that direction Ryosuke stepped forward, hesitating for only a mere second before he pressed a quick kiss onto Yuri’s cheek, shuffling back just as quickly, ducking his head to avoid Yuri’s eyes, hiding his expression, his words far less confident than before, “I’ll see you again…we’ll talk…I don’t…just…yeah…”

He was in his car in the next breath, and Yuri was still standing in the same place, his hand raising slowly, blinking at Ryosuke as he waved bye to him, his car barely even making a sound as he reversed to pull out of the parking lot, driving away. 

Yuri watched him until his taillights disappeared in the distant landscape, his hand touching where Ryosuke had just kissed his cheek, his lips stretching into a slow smile. 

_ He likes me. _

Yuri didn’t really remember the walk to his apartment, discovering himself standing in the middle of the room before he felt like he woke up from the dream that was today.

He giggled, covering his mouth quickly as if his giddiness might break the spell when he thought about how Ryosuke had snuck that surprise kiss to his cheek and then quite literally ran away.

_ It might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life. _

Yuri glanced down at the paper he had clutched in his hand, his fingers white from the death grip he had on that one piece of paper that was a very real connection to Ryosuke, stepping over to the table to lay it out there, carefully pressing on the paper to smooth out the creases he’d made with how tightly he’d been holding it.

“ yamada.ryosuke@j-sto rm.co.jp ,” Yuri stared at the email address for a moment, fascinated with every aspect of the paper because it revealed so much about Ryosuke in such a tiny little powerful punch. First of all, the paper itself looked like it had been ripped out of a planner or something, as there was a very faint gridline on the paper like it was part of pages meant for notes—and maybe Ryosuke didn’t realize it, but there was something written on the back of the paper. It appeared to be part of a list for groceries, and Yuri could only read a few of the items that were visible.

_ Strawberries. _

_ Milk. _

_ Chicken. _

Then there was his handwriting, it was really pretty—the grocery list was rather messy, clearly scribbled in a hurry, but the email address was written with great care, probably to ensure the email went to him and not someone else at Johnny’s–but even so, the writing was very nice. The ink was red, which kinda made Yuri laugh since he knew that was Ryosuke’s member color and he absently wondered if that might be his favorite color. The note had not been ripped but carefully separated from the rest of the page, a nearly straight line instead of a tear—which he couldn’t even imagine how Ryouske had managed to do.

Yuri glanced up at the clock and wondered where Ryosuke actually lived and how long it took him to get home from the café. He figured he probably lived up town in the arts district where all the wealthy types lived. Yuri hadn’t ever really been there, only passed through on the bus a few times when he was going to visit his Grandma. It was beautiful there though. 

He moved to sit down at his computer, turning it on and waiting for it to load up and connect to the internet. He opened his email, smiling when he saw a message from his Mom and another from Saya, his older sister. 

He opened the one from his Mom who was asking him about his day like usual. He wrote a quick response, telling her he would call her after classes the next day to catch up but that he was heading to bed soon, it had been a long day, and he was exhausted. He sent the message and then opened the one from Saya.

Hey idiot, I have called your house phone like eighteen times and you’re not answering. I was making plans to go see Grannie this weekend and wanted to see if you had to work or if you could go with me. If you’ll just let me know then I will buy your train ticket when I get mine tomorrow. Where are you? Anyway, let me know! RIGHT NOW.

Yuri rolled his eyes at his sister’s flair for the dramatic, glancing over at his answering machine to discover that there were indeed eighteen messages waiting for him. 

He quickly typed a curt message to Saya telling her to kindly kiss his ass and that he’d let her know the next day what his schedule was. He also indicated he would not be listening to the 18 messages she left because he was positive that they slowly degraded into nothing more than insults and name calling by the last one and he wasn’t in the mood. He hit send, grabbing the paper with Ryosuke’s email address on it so he could send him a message and head to bed, he was absolutely exhausted, jumping with a yelp when the phone rang beside him.

He jerked the phone off the base, rolling his eyes, “What do you want, Saya?”

“Where have you been?”

“OUT. What do you want?”

“Right now, butter vanilla ice cream, but in general, I want to know if you can go with me to Grannie’s house—I mean if you’re not going to tell me why you weren’t home.”

“You know…contrary to what you think, I am a pretty busy guy, you know? I have school and work and I mean I know it’s hard for you to underst–”

“I knew your schedule today, and you don’t have any friends, and you never go anywhere or do anything at all outside of school or work so you’ll have to excuse the hell right out of me if I panic when I can’t get ahold of you when you’re supposed to be  _ home _ .”

Yuri closed his eyes for a moment, feeling badly for snapping at her, “Right.”

“I was worried about you, it’s almost midnight!”

“I know, I’m sorry, Saya…”

He tried to listen to her, but he really didn’t need another lecture about how it would be better if he’d just move back home, that it wasn’t safe where he lived and that he could get ahead and save a bunch of money if he’d just return to the house and on and on it would go…

He carefully put in Ryosuke’s email address, trying to say ‘uh-huh’ and ‘yes’ and ‘I understand’ at the right times to keep Saya satisfied as he began to write the message to Ryosuke.

Hi.

I’m home now. Thank you again for a fun

_ No. _

Hey there!

_ No. _

Hey Ryosuke!

_ Ugh. _

Hi Yamada-sa

_ Damn it! _

Hi,

I’m home

_ Oh my God. _

Hi,

I thought I would let you know I am home like you asked me to. 

_ Yah…that’s good… _

Thank you for a fun night.

_ No. _

Thanks for the pizza and fun night out.

It was really nice, and I enjoyed getting to know you better.

Yuri

He knew he’d sit there for another five hours trying to come up with the exactly perfect words, so he just shrugged, “Yes, I understand, Saya.”

He hit send.

The screen flashed and then the sent message popped up.

He tilted his head, his mind trying to make sense of what he was looking at, his eyes widening in realization, the word coming out of his mouth in a near scream as he panicked.

“FUCK!” he flew straight up, dropping the phone, the sound of the chair tipping backwards deafening as his fingers flew into his hair, his voice frantic, “Oh, fuck…fuck…” 

He frantically clicked buttons, trying to go backwards, to undo the sent message, to undo EVERYTHING in his life since he turned twelve years old.

He faintly heard Saya freaking out where the phone was dangling down from the base, spinning slowly like he felt the world was.

He sat down in the floor, grabbing the phone and holding it up to his ear, tears prickling at his eyes.

“Yuu!!!??? What’s happening!? Are you okay??? Answer me or I’m getting on the bus right now to come check on you! Yuuuri!?”

“I seriously just screwed up so bad, Saya….”

“What? What happened, what is going on?”

“I sent an email to a friend from the wrong account.”

“Wh–what…wait,  _ what _ ?”

“I meant to change to my school email, but I was distracted by you and I sent the email from the account that I use for my personal stuff, like with you and Momma.”

“So? Honestly, Yuri, what the hell? You scared me to death just now!”

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m sorry but…Saya…”

He heard her taking a deep breath, her voice softening, “Fine, explain to me why this is such a big deal…if you’re emailing a friend from your personal account isn’t that okay?”

“No, not really,” Yuri groaned, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it Saya—everything is fine, I am too tired to think about this, I have to go to bed, I have class at 8 in the morning.”

Saya hesitated, not sure she should let him go without getting to the bottom of whatever was happening, “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah,” Yuri nodded even though she couldn’t see him, taking a deep breath, “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

_ I’m going to never leave my home again and hide away from the world, but I’ll be fine. _

“Okay, but…call me when you get home from school, you have a few hours after classes before work, yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay, then call me, promise?”

“Yeah, sure…I promise…tell Mom I love her.”

“Alright, just…get some rest… _ stupid. _ ”

“…’kay, you get some rest too,  _ dummy _ .”

He lifted the phone to set it back into the cradle, his body shuddering as the thought of what had just happened ran across him again.

_ I’m a damn idiot…I cannot believe I did that; he is going to think I’m the most cringe worthy person in the world.  _

He did in fact, physically cringe when he heard the notification from his email make the tell-tale sound indicating he had a new message.

He frantically prayed to all the saints and gods in all of history that it was Saya getting in a last little jab before bedtime, or maybe one of those emails asking him to wire money into some foreign account, or like…something…anything, but he knew before he grabbed the chair, setting it upright and moving to sit in it, he would never be so lucky.

His suspicion was confirmed when he saw that the email was indeed from none other than Ryosuke.

His hand shook as he moved the cursor over to click on the email, hovering there for a moment before he built up enough courage to open it.

The screen blinked and then the message popped up.

_________________

Yuri,

Thank you for letting me know you made it home safely! I know it was a weird request, but I really do appreciate you going along with me about it. 

I didn’t think to ask you what your schedule was or well, anything really…you might have noticed I was a little flustered but…well, please let me know when you work again so I can come to see you, alright?

I mean…if you want to. I don’t mean to presume anything. Yeah…so….anyways, thanks for the fun evening too, I had a really great time.

Have a good night!

Ryosuke   


_ ____________________ _

_ Huh…. _

_ He didn’t mention the email address at all. _

Yuri read through the message again, wondering if he had somehow glossed over the part calling him out, but, no, there was nothing. 

_ Huh. _

He smiled, glad that he didn’t have to deal with any of it tonight at least, stretching as he stood up, moving across the room as he stripped off his clothes to throw on his pajamas, falling into bed, laying there for a moment as the weight of the day fell away and all that was left were the feelings of butterflies in his tummy and the gentle cadence of his heart beating to a new rhythm. He wasn’t a romantic sort, not one to be caught up in fantasy and dreams–but somehow, Ryosuke made him want to believe that the fairy tales he clung to so desperately were real, and that his dreams had just as good of a chance to come true as anyones. He didn’t necessarily believe in such things…yet…but he thought, maybe with Ryosuke involved–maybe, just maybe he could. 

As he drifted off to sleep he wondered if Ryosuke might be thinking the same kinds of thoughts as he was, filling his night with  sweet dreams of pizza, warm hands in his own, and soft gentle kisses against his cheek.


	3. Just The Way You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shut up,” Yuri laughed as a tear slid down his cheek onto the surface below him. 
> 
> “I don’t care what anyone says,” Ryosuke spoke the words softly and it was as if the world held still in anticipation of what he would say next, “I think you’re the most amazing, brilliant, and beautiful human in the world just the way you are.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SPECIAL NOTE*  
> I wrote this fic especially for a dear precious friend of mine, my sweet Kenzie-chan who has been there with me through all of my struggles this last year and has offered me unconditional support, insights, comfort, and friendship. I am so thankful for her! When I was trying to figure out how to handle my feelings with the reader-insert issue, she was such a huge help, I had to do something special for her, and this fic is the result of that! <3 I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST!!! <3

If you're reading this here, I'd love to invite you to my website! I usually post my stories there first and then decide if I'll bring them here. I'm in the process of moving all my stories from Tumblr onto that platform--and it features the ability to join a mailing list to get instant notification when I publish a new story! 

[JulietAlayne.Pink Listen: Just The Way You Are](https://julietalayne.pink/just-the-way-you-are/)

I look forward to seeing you there!

**Music Inspiration: The World is Ugly by My Chemical Romance**

Yuri groaned as he became aware of the alarm sounding from the crate next to his bed, rolling over to slap at it blindly, thankful when the blasted noise finally went silent. He tossed himself back onto his pillow, eyes clenching against the light from the window as he tried to convince himself that it was a terrible idea to skip classes this morning. 

_You should not skip classes; you need to finish this semester strong!_

_Get out of bed!_

_You have work to do still!_

He knew he couldn’t, it was just an illusion he was nursing that he could remotely do such a thing, he had too many projects he was working on, including one with a classmate who would be depending on him to be there. At least, he knew it was right to be there whether it was what he wanted or not. 

He rolled out of bed, blinking as he scrubbed at his eyes, his fingertips gravitating to his cheek, his mind flashing back to the night before, warm fuzzy feelings swelling up inside his heart as he thought about how it had felt like a dream even now—then he groaned, “You’re such a dummy,” his eyes flashing across the room to where his computer sat, remembering the email he’d sent from his _personal_ email instead of his school one. 

_You idiot…I still can’t believe I did that._

He forced himself up, managing to make it out of the door in thirty minutes, rather impressed with himself, using the travel time to class to cram in a little extra studying for his child psychology class. 

His morning went fine, his classes were typical and nothing unusual happened other than his frustrating attempts to get his partner in his science class to do the work he was supposed to be doing for their mid-term project—something that felt like it was becoming impossibly harder the longer they worked together, and in Yuri’s mind at least, it seemed to him that perhaps he was being taken advantage of because his partner knew how important his grades were to him. In reality, Yuri was positive this was true but he wasn’t sure he had the courage to put a stop to it…After all, the partner was someone he’d known way back from when they were in grade school together as small children. Even then, Morita Seiji was not the nicest person in the world—though he was rather close to Yuri just because they were neighbors—and their mothers were good friends, so they were together a lot because of that. 

They’d lost touch after Yuri’s family had unexpectantly moved to another suburb, and in reality, neither of the boys had recognized one another until they were chosen to work together on the project. They’d both laughed about the fact that they didn’t realize who the other was, though in all fairness, while Yuri couldn’t claim to look much different than he had when he was seven years old, Seiji was a far cry from the small, precocious young boy he’d once been…he now towered over Yuri, not just in height either, but for his broadness as well, which made sense given the fact that Seiji was one of the essential players on their college’s sport team, his thighs were at least the size of both of Yuri’s legs put together…needless to say, he was rather imposing in his stature, and while Yuri had thought maybe they could pick up their friendship where they’d left off—it turned out they had very little in common, in fact, practically nothing that mattered to Yuri was even on the radar for Seiji. 

Seiji was a posterchild for the typical “blockhead jock”, not to mention just not a very nice person in general, which made Yuri sad, because he had expected more from him somehow—and he knew now—that he’d somehow created a false memory of who he had been and the role he’d played in his life those years. Still, he didn’t really care, at least he liked to pretend he cared less that he really did, but the nostalgia was soft in his heart, and he wished somehow they could return to those carefree days, at least that’s how Yuri tended to remember those times, a way to rewrite history perhaps, but still he’d made Seiji one of the few positive memories he’d clung too for these many years, so it hurt him a little bit that he had grown up to be someone that Yuri couldn’t remotely identify with. 

On the up side, the distance between them made it easier for Yuri to be honest about his frustration with the fact that Seiji had barely done anything at all for the project and today when he had built up his courage today and pressed him about his contribution, he made excuses and then assured him that he’d be doing the work after school that day and bring a copy to Yuri at their next class. Yuri wanted to believe him, after all, he seemed earnest enough when backed into a corner, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it would be best for him to prepare the material himself just in case Seiji didn’t pull through in the end…otherwise, he might risk a lower grade than he was willing to settle for. 

He knew that grades weren’t that big of a deal, at least not in the long term picture, of course, no one asks you about your GPA after you graduate, but…it was a matter of his own personal drive, his own intentions and he wanted to do his best, not just get by but, maybe, in the moments he was truly honest with himself, it was a chance to show what he was made of, who he was despite where he came from—and to make his Momma proud—he wanted to show her those scores and grades and give her the credit for all of her hard work, sacrifices, and love she’d given him as a child. 

He had arrived home for a quick bite to eat and then spoke to his sister, who did everything she could to get him to confess to what he was so discombobulated about the night before, which he steadfastly refused to do, in fact, he would stall letting Saya know anything about Ryosuke until he had absolutely no other choice. It wasn’t that he expected Saya to be an issue, in reality, she would fall all over herself about this development—which was the problem, Yuri wasn’t sure what this really was yet, he couldn’t help but acknowledge he tended to overlay everything with a softness that it didn’t always deserve, and he didn’t want to mess this up—didn’t want to risk this new found relationship on any level—and he definitely didn’t need Saya making things more complicated for him than they already were. 

He enjoyed the walk to work, the air starting to turn brisk, the warmth of the summer sun starting to ebb as the seasons welcomed the oncoming kaleidoscope of colors to backdrop the landscape of fall. He loved walking through the park, enjoying the way the trees seemed to whisper to one another, often thinking of stories they might be sharing among themselves, entertaining himself and smiling when he’d pass a family or playing children. He arrived a little bit early, knowing that he owed his manager an explanation for what he’d done the day before, but also fully aware he had no idea how to remotely explain it to her. Rather, he knew…perhaps just saying he was wrong would be enough 

“I’m really sorry about yesterday,” he shuffled his feet as he looked down at the floor, feeling his manager’s eyes upon him from behind her desk, his fingers fiddling with the edge of his shirt nervously, “It won’t happen again.” 

The silence stretched out before she stood up, making her way around the desk, her arms gently pulling him into a warm embrace, “It’s okay Yuri, you know…” she pulled back, forcing him to look into her eyes, “You can always talk to me?” 

Yuri swallowed roughly, nodding weakly, “I know.” 

“Are you okay?” her voice was soft, though he knew she wanted a real answer…but he didn’t know what to say, _not really_. 

_Am I okay?_

_Not normally, but somehow, I feel more okay in this moment than I have in every single moment leading up to it…how can I possibly explain this to her?_

_Is it real?_

_Is what I feel real?_

_How can I be sure?_

When he didn’t respond, just attempted to move his eyes away she leaned around to catch his line of sight again, her voice stern this time, “ _Are you okay?_ ” 

“I’m okay, _I am_ …I’m just…there’s some confusion, but…I’m okay, and it won’t interfere with my work again, I promise,” Yuri was sincerely sorry for the way he’d just ran out the day before, and as much as he wished he could explain the situation to her, he just knew it would be a conversation of him babbling nonsense that would neither help her understand or make her believe he was genuinely okay. 

“It’s fine, we handled it, and if you need time off, _you know I’ll help you_ ,” the woman stepped back, leaning against the edge of her desk, arms crossing, “I’ll help in any way I can, I hope you will always remember that.” 

“I will remember, Chinen-san,” he bowed slightly toward her to which she scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically, waving her hands in the air, her voice high, “Knock that off, you know I hate that.” 

“I’m sorr—” Yuri tried to apologize again, mostly out of habit not sincerity, but she cut him off immediately, “And stop apologizing to me, for goodness sake!” 

The words blurted from his lips before he could stop them, “I’m sorry,” which caused his eyes to widen in shock before they both burst into laughter. 

“I appreciate your kindness,” he tilted his head down, wishing he had better words, more eloquent words to convey how much her support meant to him…not just now, but truly for as long as he could remember. 

“You’re my nephew, taking care of you is part of my job isn’t it?” she shifted to reach onto the desk behind her to grab an envelope that had been laying there, “Speaking of which, this is yours.” 

“What…” Yuri reached forward to grab the envelope from her hand, his eyes widening when he saw the handwriting on the front, immediately scowling, “Oh…” 

“I hate giving them to you,” his aunt was frowning, her eyes fixated on the envelope as if she were willing it to burn to ash, “I’m sorry to have to do it.” 

“It’s not _your_ fault,” Yuri spat the words out, then sighed, his fingers clenching the letter so tightly it was folding under the pressure , “It’s _his_ fault,” he looked at her then, hating the pity he could read in her eyes, clearing his throat before lifting his chin and speaking the words confidently, “It’s nothing, I don’t even care at all.” 

With this, he stepped toward the doorway, pushing the envelope down in the shredder that was positioned there, watching with a sense of satisfaction as it went through the feed and disappeared into the waste basket in shreds, exactly as it should be, turning to look back at his aunt, “Thanks again, Aunt Kyoko.” 

“Of course,” she waved him off, her eyes watching as he turned to go clock in, her frown deepening as she wondered if she could ever do enough to truly help him after all the things he’d been put through in his short life. 

_Probably not, but I’ll keep trying._

* * *

Yuri had been working all day when there was finally a lull after the evening rush affording him a few moments that anyone else would have used to check their cellphone or laze about, but instead, Yuri had his nose stuck in a book, studying for his upcoming midterm exam. He was so engrossed in the words on the page he didn’t realize someone was at the counter until they cleared their throat. 

His head jerked up, his heart thundering in his chest when he discovered Ryosuke standing there, _on a Tuesday_ , in the evening, a time when he never, ever had come before. 

_Damn_ _, I really am a lost cause._

A broad smile graced Ryosuke’s face at Yuri’s surprised expression, leaning against the counter, he tapped his fingers on the surface as he greeted him, “Good evening, Yuri-cha–” he stopped himself, glancing around the room out of concern others might hear him, thankful there wasn’t anyone close… 

_I need to be careful._

Correcting the words as he cleared his throat, the adorable grin at his sheer cheekiness, “Chinen–san.” 

Yuri wasn’t prepared for the rush of butterflies that took up immediate residence in his tummy as he realized once again, that this incredible human being was someone who wanted to date him, smiling as he shoved a napkin into his book to close it and walk to the counter, “Good evening, Yamada-san! Would you like the usual?” 

Ryosuke nodded, “Sure!” his following angelic smile making Yuri’s heart flip-flop. 

Yuri wanted to reach across the counter and hug him, because despite not knowing how his arms felt before the night before, somehow he missed them more than anything today—but, of course, he knew better, turning to make the drink for him, intent on putting extra hearts in it _on purpose_ today, glancing over his shoulder when Ryosuke spoke, “Did you have classes today?” 

“Yes,” Yuri nodded, his fingers busy with the drink, the movement predictable and comforting, done through mostly muscle memory as he tossed the words over his shoulder, “I had three classes this morning.” 

“Wow, that’s a lot of classes,” Ryosuke seemed impressed which made Yuri wonder how he could possibly think that was impressive when he was fairly certain Ryosuke probably worked far harder than he did, “What time do you go to classes!?” 

Yuri glanced over at Ryosuke as he waited for the drink to finish brewing, noticing his hair which looked just perfect, as usual, with the cutest little twists framing his eyes, “Ah, I leave my house at 6:45 to catch the train, I am taking four classes, but only three of them are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the last one only meets on Friday,” Yuri shrugged, carefully adding the sweet foam hearts to the drink as he spoke, “This is the first semester I was able to take that many classes…” 

He stopped himself when he realized that he would be revealing something very personal if he said the reason why, opting to change the subject, “Anyway,” he turned to bring the drink to the counter, then grabbed a plate to use for Ryosuke’s cupcake, “How was _your_ day?” 

Ryosuke knew he was purposefully changing the subject and figured there would be a time to call him out on his shady dodging of questions he didn’t like but now was probably not the time, the wildly messy day flittering through his mind before he sighed softly, “It was okay, there is a lot of…I mean…everything was chaotic today, I suppose…” Ryosuke wished he could explain but he was always wary of speaking about his work in public under any circumstances his words fading off, watching as Yuri retrieved his cupcake, “…though,” he couldn’t help the way his heart fluttered at how cute Yuri looked in his apron today, “…it’s significantly better now.” 

Yuri’s eyes shifted to look at Ryosuke’s, the wink happening so fast he had to do a double take in surprise, met with Ryosuke’s sassy and mischievous grin, as he clearly picked up on the fact that he’d surprised Yuri which in turn caused Yuri’s cheeks to turn a lovely shade of pink instantly. Ryosuke wished he could elicit that response all of the time as it made Yuri look infinitely more gorgeous than he did normally—which by his estimate was almost impossible—but he couldn’t deny it. 

Yuri pushed the plate across the counter toward Ryosuke, glancing down when Ryosuke’s fingertips brushed across his hand, leaning forward, his voice low, “What time are you off work?” 

Yuri shuddered from the touch, an automatic response that he knew he was going to have to stop, his eyes moving up to the clock and then back to Ryosuke, “In about an hour, I have to close tonight. We close at 8:30 on Tuesdays.” 

“Is it okay for me to wait for you?” Ryosuke tilted his head, it was so adorable that he was trying to be so thoughtful. 

“Of course,” Yuri answered softly, flustered at the attention, taking Ryosuke’s money silently, smiling when he shoved the extra bills that he’d given him back into the tip jar. 

“I’ll just be over here then,” Ryosuke gestured to the table in the corner. 

“O-okay,” Yuri nodded, grabbing a towel to wipe off the counter just to give his hands something to do when Ryosuke sat in the chair that would afford him a constant view of Yuri while he worked. Yuri didn’t realize how awkward he would feel for Ryosuke to be more or less blatantly staring at him, only looking down at his phone here and there, then he would feel his eyes on him again, and sure enough when he’d chance a peek Ryosuke would just smile and nod. 

He had to wonder if Ryosuke had been this obvious all along? In considering how absolute Ryosuke was about how he felt in all probability he had been, and Yuri was just so…well, he supposed the right word was naïve or even perhaps he was just innocent in the idea of someone paying attention to him. After all, he’d spent most of his life thus far attempting to be invisible, to blend in and not be noticed no matter what. It was hard to know that Ryosuke was watching him, relief flooding him when the door tinkled signaling that someone had entered the shop. 

Yuri felt his palms sweat, his fingertips brushing down the ruffles on the apron he wore, wondering at the strange sensation he had that made him want to cover himself up or maybe run away….he never saw people here from school, as this little coffee shop was far away and across from town from the campus—and at this point, he’d rather it be anyone from his school other than who it was. 

Seiji’s laughter was loud in the quiet café, drowning out the music that filled the room, as he shared a conversation with another player from their team. Seiji was holding a soccer ball, moving it from one hand to the other as he walked toward the counter, his eyes focused on the wall with the menu before they drew down and realized it was Yuri behind the counter, his eyes widening in surprise as he laughed, “Chinen—what the hell are you wearing?” 

“I—uh…” Yuri cursed his stupid brain for malfunctioning, clearing his throat, “My uniform,” he stated flatly, then smiled as best he could, “Welcome to Pink, what may I get you?” 

Seiji laughed , dropping the ball onto the counter, his huge hand holding it in place as he shook his head, his elbow pushing into the other guy as they exchanged a look, “A _barista_ would be nice? Aren’t _girls_ supposed to work in these cafes?” 

Yuri managed to keep the smile on his face, his eyes moving past Seiji to see Ryosuke watching what was happening, both of his feet on the floor seemingly prepared to leap up at any moment, his head tilted as if he were trying to understand what was going on, “The term _barista_ is not _gender_ specific actually,” Yuri corrected him, his fingernails digging into his palms, “Pink hires anyone who shows aptitude for the position. Now, _what may I get you?_ ” 

“Ohhh hohoho,” Seiji crowed, laughing loudly causing Yuri to cringe, “Listen to you, Mr. Know It All…sure, sure, whatever you say—I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that you ended up working at a place called _Pink._ ” 

The guy with Seiji looked uncomfortable, his gaze apologetic when he spoke up, “I’d like a medium black coffee, please.” 

Yuri nodded his head, his eyes not leaving Seiji who was staring him down, “And for you?” 

“I’ll have the same,” Seiji responded, clearly unhappy that Yuri wouldn’t engage in whatever this was he was trying to do, “I have a party to go to after this, I’ll need to be awake for that.” 

“Sure,” Yuri turned without waiting for him to finish the sentence, irritation in his motions as he fumed, knowing full well that this was him making sure Yuri knew he’d lied about working on the project today. 

Yuri made their coffee quickly, glancing at the clock to discover it was finally closing time, returning to the counter to push their coffees across the counter, taking their payments and then thankful when they turned to leave, his breath catching when Seiji called back, “Oh, that’s right! I remember now! _You always did like wearing dresses!_ Didn’t you Chinen?” 

He laughed loudly as he shoved his friend out the door, the bell tinkling and then the door shut behind them, Yuri stared at the door for a moment, his mind flashing through various memories, his heart pounding in his chest at the emotions swirling inside his head, moving across the room without thought to flip the sign on the door and lock it, turning the light outside off with a flip of the switch on the wall, then shifting to lean back on the door, his eyes closing as he tried to get himself together. 

“You alright?” 

Yuri yelped, jumping from the surprise of Ryosuke’s voice beside him, his hand on his chest as he laughed nervously, “Oh my gosh, you scared me I wa—” 

“I’m so sorry,” Ryosuke reached forward, his hand brushing down Yuri’s arm softly before taking a step back, and Yuri wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for startling him or for what he’d just witnessed. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Yuri stepped forward, taking a deep breath, as he began crossing the room, “I have just a few things to do and then I’m all yours.” 

He nearly stumbled over his own feet when he realized how that sounded, his eyes clenching shut when Ryosuke laughed softly from behind him, his voice filled with humor, “ _Finally!_ ” 

“Oh my gosh,” Yuri laughed at himself, shaking his head as he began the closing routine, his cheeks flaming as he peeked at Ryosuke’s mischievous expression, rolling his eyes, “You know what I meant.” 

“I really hope you meant exactly what you said,” Ryosuke grinned as he leaned across the counter, watching Yuri break down the machines and wash the parts, lining them up neatly on a towel, his hands moving like a blur, obviously having done this so many times he could do it in his sleep. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,’ Yuri laughed softly, shaking his head as he continued to move around the counters. 

“I’m not, I’m completely serious,” Ryosuke stated the words firmly, not wanting to make Yuri think there was a remote possibility he meant anything other than exactly what he’d said. 

“Well, then…” Yuri was facing the machine, glad Ryosuke wasn’t looking at him directly, “I’ll see what I can do.” 

“I’ll hold you to it,” Ryosuke responded playfully, his eyes fixated on how cute Yuri was flustered, his movements less fluid, his feet twisted together as he finished working. 

It only took a few minutes more and then Yuri was drying his hands off, “I have something I want to show you, if you have time?” 

“Sure,” Ryosuke shrugged, “Whatever you want, I’m here.” 

Yuri gestured for him to follow him, leading him behind the counter and down a hallway to a doorway, then up a flight of stairs until the floor opened to the room that overlooked the downstairs area, something that surprised Ryosuke, as he’d never even noticed it before. It was a rather large room, containing some video games, along with couches, a television, kitchenette and reading corner, obviously a break room for the employees. Ryosuke was considering the two arcade video game machines and wondering who held the high score when Yuri’s voice called out, “Over here.” 

Ryosuke crossed the room to where Yuri was holding open another door that led to more stairs which they climbed, opening the door at the top to reveal what seemed to be a patio on top of the building. There was no need for lights, as the signs from other buildings, as well as the street lights provided enough cast light to see across the space to where there was a setting with lounge chairs and a tiny table, obviously a place to relax, and then the view…it was exquisite—the bay opening up to reveal the city across from them, the lights twinkling, the city looking alive from where they were in the quiet, quaint district that seemed to already be asleep despite it being early. 

Yuri grabbed Ryosuke’s hand, dragging him over to the lounge chairs, releasing his hand when he plopped down in one, and gestured for Ryosuke to do the same, waiting until he sat down to tell him, “Now look up.” 

Ryosuke wasn’t sure what he meant, leaning his head back to look up at the sky and his breath caught in his chest, as it was the most beautiful view of the sky, the stars twinkling and he couldn’t help but feel like they were smiling down on them, slowly shifting to lay on the chair, folding his hands across his tummy as he took in the view, “Wow, I thought the view of the city was something.” 

“It’s amazing how much you can see when you get outside of the metro area,” Yuri twisted on the chair to look at Ryosuke, “I come here to think sometimes, it’s peaceful and quiet after all the shops close in the evenings.” 

Ryosuke smiled, imagining how nice it would be to have this view all of the time, feeling Yuri’s eyes on him, he shifted to look at him, “This is really nice, thank you for sharing it with me.” 

Yuri nodded, laying his head down on his arm, his eyes fluttering closed and Ryosuke thought he looked so peaceful that he could be sleeping, loathe to bother him, but he couldn’t get the nagging question out of his head, “So…who was that guy?” 

Yuri’s eyes popped open, his brows drawing down, and Ryosuke instantly regretted bringing it up, as the peaceful expression was completely gone, Yuri’s voice soft when he spoke, “An old friend from grade school, he’s in one of my classes now.” 

“Not much of a friend,” Ryosuke mumbled, frowning, trying to stop his mind from racing to the vision of how cute Yuri must have been as a little boy, but he couldn’t help it, smiling when the vision filled his head, then shook his head, “Does that happen a lot?” 

Yuri hummed softly, unsure of what Ryosuke might mean, glad when he spoke to clarify, “I mean…how that guy was rude to you for working here?” 

“Nah,” Yuri turned to lay on his back, his eyes focusing on the stars above them, “We almost always have customers here who are regulars, not a lot of people come here who don’t live in the area to be honest—it’s a small community, I’m pretty sure that Seiji’s friend lives around the corner from here.” 

“I see,” Ryosuke still didn’t like it, he didn’t actually say people didn’t harass him on a regular basis but then he knew it wasn’t up to him to protect Yuri or something, he’d spent enough time here to know that people loved Yuri, they were friendly and kind to him, but something swelled up inside Ryosuke at the thought of someone hurting him, rolling over onto his back to look up at the stars himself, “I don’t know if I could have handled myself as well as you did.” 

“You might surprise yourself,” Yuri answered, shrugging, “It doesn’t bother me.” 

A lot of people say things don’t bother them, but for Yuri this was a complete truth, it didn’t bother him, because the simple fact was, nothing anyone could do to him could be worse than what he’d faced before. Everything paled in comparison to those days, months, years—the pain, the suffering, the way he felt about himself, about those around him, the struggle, and no, he’d never think words from someone who meant nothing to him now could even touch him now. It wasn’t that he’d built walls up around himself so much as he had a proper perspective on things, he just didn’t care if people liked him or not. He was who he is. He would never be anyone else, ever. 

“I wish I could be that way,” Ryosuke spoke the words softly, his eyes focused on the sky above them, “I’m usually good about not worrying about what other people say or think about me—but sometimes it gets to me.” 

He shifted, looking at Yuri again, “I was really angry, I was wanting to come and stop him…and it’s,” Ryosuke swallowed roughly, “It’s not like he was saying anything…horrible, but it just felt like he was trying to hurt you.” 

“He was,” Yuri confirmed it, he knew it was true, there was no other explanation for it, “You don’t have to worry though, I know people like him, I understand what they think and why they think it.” 

“Are you making an excuse for that idiot?” Ryosuke didn’t mean to say the words so heatedly but he couldn’t keep it out of his tone, his brows furrowed in frustration. 

“No,” Yuri blinked softly, his head tilting, “I wouldn’t ever—that kind of awful behavior doesn’t have a place in our lives…so I wouldn’t find an excuse…but, I suppose I would rather someone like that take those feelings out on me instead of someone else, someone who isn’t able to handle it…who is weaker than I am.” 

“I don’t think you’re weak,” Ryosuke inhaled sharply, “You’re strong, one of the strongest people I’ve ever known.” 

Yuri blinked, he felt the heaviness in his chest at these words, at the way he felt like maybe these words didn’t belong to him, not yet—he wasn’t quite there yet, not quite to the point in his life where he thought it was okay to see himself as having finally become who he was meant to be. He never really let people say things like this to him, first, because he didn’t want pity, he didn’t need people feeling sorry for him, and he certainly didn’t need people to prop him up and fill his heart with needless praise…yet, these words didn’t feel like that from Ryosuke, they just felt…right? 

He knew then that if he didn’t stop thinking like this, he was going to cry from these words Ryosuke was speaking into his soul, clearing his throat, whispering, “I hope you’re right.” 

He turned his head away, inhaling slowly, trying to blink back his tears, turning to look at Ryosuke who was suddenly in motion, scrambling off the chair to push the table away, the screeching feet of his chair sliding loud in the silence of the world around them as he pushed it against Yuri’s. He shifted, crawling back onto the chair to lay back down, smiling as he shifted closer still to Yuri, entwining their hands together as he used his other hand to pull Yuri’s head against his own, “I know I am.” 

“Shut up,” Yuri laughed as a tear slid down his cheek onto the surface below him. 

“I don’t care what anyone says,” Ryosuke spoke the words softly and it was as if the world held still in anticipation of what he would say next, “I think you’re the most amazing, brilliant, and beautiful human in the world _just the way you are_.” 

Yuri couldn’t help the sob that tore through his body, not really understanding how he ended up in Ryosuke’s arms, all he knew was he was being held as he tried to control himself, to stop the tears but suddenly it was like he couldn’t stop crying…so…he just _did_. And Ryosuke held him, his hands running softly on his back, not saying anything at all, not trying to shush him or pretend everything was okay—no, Ryosuke just sat in the pain with him until his tears had abated, and then they shifted, their heads touching as they turned to stare at the sparkling sky. 

“Thank you,” Yuri whispered, his fingers gripping Ryosuke’s tightly, hoping he could hear all the words he wished he could speak. 

“I’m here, it’s where I want to be, and I’ll take care of you, as much as you’ll let me,” Ryosuke meant these words more than any promise or oath ever spoken, “You mean the world to me.” 

Yuri didn’t know what to say, his mind whirling with thoughts and feelings that felt inappropriate after such a short period of time together, but then, he couldn’t imagine a life where these words weren’t real and vital and something meant to be spoken, “I never thought I could have this.” 

“What?” Ryosuke shifted, tilting his head so he could see Yuri’s face. 

“Someone who cared about me,” Yuri admitted, “Who would feel like…like maybe I am really important.” 

“You _are_ important,” Ryosuke corrected him. 

“I am really used to being alone,” Yuri admitted, certain one of these revelations would be the one that drove Ryosuke away, especially now that he’d seen him cry. 

“You didn’t have to be alone anymore,” Ryosuke responded, smiling, “I’ll be here if you’ll let me.” 

“Why me?” It still didn’t make sense to Yuri, he wished he could understand, fully comprehend. 

“How to explain this?” Ryosuke drew his hand up to press his fingers against the bridge of his nose for a moment, “It was just always you…I know that sounds crazy maybe? But…from the first time I met you, it was just you—like those stories or fairy tales where they say those really cliché things like ‘the world tilted’ or ‘everything stopped’ except, seriously, that’s how I felt, so the real answer is, it was always you, there was no other choice for me, it had to be you.” 

Yuri swallowed roughly, trying to think of how to respond, because Ryosuke had a while to figure out his feelings but Yuri had built up some many walls, had spent so much of his life protecting himself, sheltering his heart and soul from pain, that he hadn’t even imagined he’d ever find someone to remotely care about him, let alone any kind of romantic love. That was something for other people, for people who weren’t like him—yet, Ryosuke broke through every single wall Yuri had built almost instantly and that was crazy, because he felt like he knew him, and somehow it felt like Ryosuke knew him as well. 

But still, he was no one, he was nothing, compared to someone as amazingly talented and gifted and beautiful as Ryosuke…his eyes blinked slowly as he took in Ryosuke’s expression, which softened as if he could read Yuri’s mind. 

“You don’t see yourself clearly,” Ryosuke’s fingertips traced Yuri’s cheek before he leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss to Yuri’s forehead, “The world…people are filled with so much darkness, their spirits are so ugly—but you’re…like a light in the darkest night…you radiate something…so beautiful.” 

Yuri wanted to stop the words, but he couldn’t, “I’m just really broken, Ryosuke, I wish I could be who you think I am.” 

“Don’t be dumb, I know who you are! One day I’ll convince you that I see you better than you see yourself,” Ryosuke shook his head, “Haven’t you ever noticed that fractured glass can cast light further than smooth glass? Being ‘broken’ doesn’t change the light you emit; it just serves to amplify it. It’s just who you are…you’re so pure of heart, and you’re so mindful of the world around you and you care so much about others!” 

“Doesn’t everyone care?” Yuri felt naïve asking but it did indeed feel like maybe Ryosuke saw the world in a way that’s different than how he saw it himself—and maybe that meant that he really did see Yuri in a way that Yuri couldn’t see himself. 

“No,” Ryosuke laughed bitterly, “No, they don’t…honestly, how can you not know this? Someone was horrible to you earlier and you were nothing but _nice_ to that asshat.” 

“His words didn’t reach me,” Yuri tried to think of how to articulate what he felt, “I just think he must be sad in his world, lonely even, to be someone who goes around trying to hurt other people like that…if it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else—so I guess…after all, I am glad that it was me.” 

“You feel like you saved someone else from being hurt?” 

“Yeah,” Yuri frowned, “But it sounds self-serving when it’s spoken like that.” 

“Believe me,” Ryosuke laughed, pulling Yuri against his chest to hug him again, “It’s the furthest thing from self-serving, that’s obvious to me.” 

They stayed like that for a long time, eventually, turning to face the sky, Yuri hugged against Ryosuke’s side as they talked about the stars, Ryosuke’s hand would sometimes tighten against his waist, like he was testing to make sure he was still there, then they’d both fall into peaceful silence, drifting off to sleep to the lullaby of the world around them. It was peaceful and perfect, and then Yuri suddenly jerked awake, yawning widely, which caused Ryosuke to laugh, “Feels like that’s my cue to let you go to bed.” 

“I don’t want to,” Yuri pouted, leaning up on his elbow to look down at Ryosuke, “I want to stay here with you.” 

“Do you have school tomorrow?” Ryosuke’s voice was soft, not wanting to change the atmosphere, his fingers feeling like they were made to hold Yuri just like this. 

“Nope, I am completely off tomorrow—I don’t have work or school on Wednesdays,” Yuri shivered at the cooling night air, “Why?” 

“I have an interview tomorrow, and then I don’t have anything else the rest of the day…maybe I could see you?” 

“That would be…” Yuri wanted to say something like ‘amazing’ or ‘fantastic’ or ‘wonderful’ but thought maybe it would be too eager, but then he realized that Ryosuke could probably read him pretty well anyway, smiling as he spoke the word, “Perfect.” 

“Cool,” Ryosuke reluctantly released Yuri, pulling his cellphone as he sat up, tapping some buttons on it as the screen lit up his face, Yuri couldn’t help but marvel at how pretty he really was. 

He shifted to sit up, glancing away, not wanting to intrude on Ryosuke’s privacy, but then Ryosuke asked him, “Do you have a regular schedule then?” 

“Yeah,” Yuri nodded, glancing over at him. 

“Can I….could you let me…have it?” Ryosuke seemed flustered asking for it and in reality, Yuri supposed it was a very private request, and one that he only really gave to his Mom and sister as a matter of course. 

“Sure,” Yuri nodded, surprised when Ryosuke thrust his phone into Yuri’s hands. 

“Just input it right there,” Ryosuke pointed to the screen. 

Yuri looked down at the calendar, realizing it was mostly like the one that they used for their work schedule, quickly inputting his information, watching as the automation populated the full calendar with his information, thinking it was the cutest that his color was pink on the dates he’d input. 

“Wow, you’re insanely busy!” Yuri couldn’t help but comment on how absolutely packed the calendar was, filled so much in some blocks there was an overflow button, with a veritable rainbow of colors. 

“Oh,” Ryosuke laughed, “It’s our group schedule, like…we all have access to it and our managers keep all of our various jobs on it so we can keep up with our own schedule as well as the other members. I can click this,” his finger pressed the red box on the top of the screen,”…then it just shows all of my work.” 

Ryosuke looked at the page, now populated with his red blocks as well as Yuri’s pink ones, liking the way it looked, he smiled, “Well, and yours too, but don’t worry, the other members can’t see those, I have it set to private, only I can see what you added.” 

“Huh,” Yuri looked at the screen, pulling the phone closer, his eyes scanning the text there, acutely aware of Ryosuke’s eyes on him, making him wonder internally if it was rude to look so carefully at this information, to discover these things about his private life, his eyes scanned the list of work projects–dance rehearsals, studio recordings, magazine photo shoots, tv show recordings, promotional appearances, meetings, even things like hair and nail appointments were listed there. 

Yuri’s eyes moved without his permission to where Ryosuke’s hands were resting on his knees, his eyebrow raising slightly as he had to acknowledge that for a guy his hands were exceptionally manicured. 

_Such pretty hands._

_FOCUS._

His eyes snapped back to the screen, but not before Ryosuke twisted his fingers together in what he could only imagine as nervousness. 

_Bless his heart._

He wanted to comfort him, tell him he wasn’t judging him, knowing in his heart that he couldn’t imagine how weird it must be to constantly be on display, to always need to be 100% on your a-game and always presenting your idol face…how exhausting it must be. 

As he scrolled through the endless list of work, not minding the way his schedule intermingled with Ryosuke’s, he couldn’t help but realize that Ryosuke worked really hard…harder than he’d ever worked which was saying a lot given his obsessive need to be better than anyone else at…anything. 

_Pretty much._

Yet, Ryosuke’s schedule was shockingly busy, with so many different things it sort of made Yuri’s head spin. He was fortunate to keep up with four classes and a full-time job…that was always in the same place. 

Yuri blinked when the screen flashed and a message popped up over top of the schedule he was looking at, confused as he read the words, quickly followed by other messages flashing up underneath. 

* * *

**Daiki:** Well, Ryosuke, how’s it going with your hottie? (♡´艸`) 

**Yuto** **:** Yeah, how’s it going Yama-chan? (｀∀´)Ψ 

**Yabu** **:** Guys, c’mon. ┐(´д`)┌ 

* * *

Yuri swallowed thickly, his cheeks feeling hot with embarrassment as he realized that he was looking at a group chat and that these messages were clearly meant to be for Ryosuke’s eyes, his voice soft as he held the phone out, shaking it, “I umm…I think your friends…” 

“Huh? Wha–” Ryosuke took the phone from Yuri, turning the screen to see what he was referring to, his eyes widening for split second before his teeth bit into his bottom lip as his entire face turned red all the way up to his ears. 

_Oh my gosh, he’s the cutest human in the world._

Ryosuke’s eyes lifted to look at Yuri and then snapped closed, sighing softly, “I’m so…this is…just…my members are just…“ 

Yuri wanted to rescue him, to save him, his mind whirling with infinite ideas of what he could possibly do to make Ryosuke okay the way he had made him okay before, grabbing the phone from Ryosuke, tapping the screen quickly and pressing it back into his hands. 

Ryosuke opened his eyes, glancing down at the screen at the words that were written. 

* * *

**Ryosuke:** Things are going great. ＾ω＾ We’re stargazing. <–from the “hottie” 

* * *

Yuri laughed nervously, suddenly shocked by his own boldness, the words blurting out, “I assumed I was the ‘hottie’.” 

Ryosuke couldn’t help but laugh, shoving his shoulder into Yuri’s as he smiled, “Yeah, that would be accurate.” 

Yuri studied Ryosuke as he watched the screen scrolling with the sudden influx of responses to the message he had sent, impossibly captivated by his expression as he read what his friends were saying, his head turning to look at Yuri with a bashful smile. 

“We could send them a picture? If you wouldn’t mind being in one wi—” 

Yuri shifted before Ryosuke could finish the thought, leaning around against Ryosuke’s back to position himself for the picture, Ryosuke lifted the camera, his voice soft, “I can’t be as cute as you are, but I’ll do my best.” 

Yuri meant to smile for the picture but couldn’t help that he looked over at Ryosuke, his expression probably betraying his feelings about Ryosuke saying something as absurd as that when between the two of them he was the one who reached Greek god status without even trying. 

  


Ryosuke sent the picture, the scrolling increasing as the other members responded, causing Ryosuke to click his phone off, turning his head to look at Yuri, surprised by how close he was still sitting to him, realizing he was still leaning a little bit against his back. 

“I think they got it wrong though,” Yuri tilted his head, his eyes holding an emotion Ryosuke couldn’t really name. 

“How so?” Ryosuke wondered, taking his hand again, loving the feeling of Yuri’s hand in his. 

“Because…” Yuri paused, blinking softly, feeling a little flustered now that he was about to say it out loud, “I mean…” 

He almost lost his nerve, he almost inserted some other words, some other something, but he knew Ryosuke would see through him, rushing the words out, “ _You’re_ the hottie here.” 

“Well,” Ryosuke smiled, his eyes twinkling in the lights from the streets around them, but to Yuri it just looked like the stars reflecting in them, “We’ll just have to agree to disagree.” 

When he said the last word, he reached forward to boop Yuri’s nose before she shifted to stand up, stretching with a squeak before he reached his hand out to Yuri, “But for now, I think you need sleep.” 

Yuri wanted to argue but he was actually really tired, and not sure what time it was at this point, and surely Ryosuke needed sleep before he went to work the next day as well, reaching up to take his hand and allowing himself to be pulled up, he agreed, “I guess so…” 

They made their way downstairs, making sure the doors closed properly and Yuri did a quick walkthrough to make sure he didn’t forget anything, satisfied with everything, he clicked the door locked, drawing the keys out to put into his pocket before he turned to see Ryosuke leaning against his car where he’d parked behind the building as if knowing they’d be coming back there at the end of the day. 

He was so pretty, standing there with the neon lights from the street behind him, the glimmery color of his red car a beautiful backdrop, his feet stretched out in front of him, his arms crossed as he seemed to be studiously watching Yuri. It made him feel a little uncomfortable, his fingers fumbling with the keys as he finally slid them into his pocket, taking a deep breath, “So…” 

Ryosuke blinked, as if he’d been caught up in his own thoughts, immediately standing up straight and shuffling forward to reach for Yuri’s hands, holding them softly in his own, “I don’t know what time I will be finished tomorrow for sure…do you have plans?” 

“Nope,” Yuri shrugged, “I’m available all day.” 

“Okay,” Ryosuke tilted his head, “I can…email you when I am leaving to come here?” 

“Sure,” Yuri nodded, and then swallowed roughly, “I...what did you want to do?” 

His heart immediately began to pound wildly in his chest as he thought maybe it was such that Ryosuke would want to hang out around here, or even imagine that he would want to come to his house or something and it was all Yuri could do to stop himself from running away immediately out of fear that who he really was would be exposed. 

“I dunno, we can decide tomorrow if you want?” Ryosuke studied Yuri, then frowned, “What are you worried about?” 

“ME?” Yuri’s voice was high and obviously he was deflecting, clearing his throat, “Nothing, that sounds fine, I can…I could just…” 

“We can meet here if you’d like?” Ryosuke offered, his eyebrow raising slightly as if to tell Yuri he knew what he was worried about but wasn’t going to force him to admit it. 

“Sure,” Yuri nodded, “That would be good…you email me and then I’ll meet you here, I just live a little bit aways.” 

“That sounds good,” Ryosuke nodded, then without pause moved forward to draw Yuri into his arms, holding him softly as he whispered, “You know, Yuri, you will have to share your world with me at one point or another.” 

Yuri clenched his eyes closed, his fingers grasping onto the soft fabric of Ryosuke’s shirt, his mind whirling with a million things he wanted to say but before he could work himself up into a complete frenzy, he felt Ryosuke’s hands flatten on his back, and it was such a different hug all of a sudden. Soft, but secure, and it was less like he was hugging him and more like he was embracing him as his voice spoke softly, “Whenever you’re ready, of course.” 

Yuri laughed nervously, because honestly, he wasn’t sure when he’d be ready, but Ryosuke deserved his honesty, deserved to be trusted, after all he’d literally shown him his calendar and work related stuff today without any hesitation, “Okay,” he nodded his head, “I will…I’ll try to be…brave.” 

Ryosuke drew back then, his eyes soft, “What do you think you need to be brave for? What do you think is going to happen?” 

“You might…” Yuri bit his lip, looking bashfully up at him, “What if you…find out more about me, and I’m…I’m not who you think I am?” 

Ryosuke’s expression changed and Yuri knew that he felt hurt, his fingers grasping onto Ryosuke’s shirt, when his mouth opened and closed as if he weren’t sure what to say, Yuri rushing the words out, “I don’t mean it’s because of you, it’s…not you, it’s me, it’s how I would see it…I just…”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Ryosuke shook his head, “I know I probably can’t convince you of anything, but…I wish you had more trust in how I see you than that.” 

Yuri felt ashamed, because there hadn’t been a single thing that indicated that Ryosuke would be the type to judge him at all, nor that he’d think less of Yuri because of his circumstances, frowning as he looked down, his eyes blinking when Ryosuke lifted his chin with his fingertips, his smile endearing, “I understand—you don’t have to push yourself to do a single thing you’re not ready for, okay?” 

“Okay,” Yuri reached forward and this time, it was him who hugged Ryosuke and he could swear that he was trembling in his arms as he grasped him tightly. 

Ryosuke finally drew back, his fingers running into the base of Yuri’s hair before he pressed a soft, lingering kiss to his cheek, then stepped back, “Then I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” 

“Yep!” Yuri knew he was smiling like an idiot, but he couldn’t help it, this amazingly wonderful guy was here with him, out of all the places in the world he could be. 

“I can drive you home if you’d like?” Ryosuke shuffled his feet in the dirt, his eyes moving to look at the ground between them, “No pressure…of course…” 

“That would be…nice,” Yuri spoke the words before he could change his mind, unable to hide his smile when Ryosuke’s head jerked up in surprise his expression clearly disbelieving. 

“O-okay,” Ryosuke stuttered for a moment before he walked to the passenger door to open it, gesturing for Yuri to follow him. 

Yuri blinked and he was sitting in the car, jumping when the door shut next to him, his mind whirling, screaming that he was actually sitting in this car, this car that felt like it was molding to his form, his hands shaking as he reached for the seatbelt, jerking to the side when the driver’s door opened and Ryosuke climbed in, closing the door and putting his own seatbelt on, not noticing Yuri’s reactions. 

Yuri folded his hands in his lap, inhaling the soft pleasant scent, his eyes gliding across the smooth surface to land on a little gadget attached to the vent that he knew was one of those oil diffusers, not remotely surprised that Ryosuke really did buy the things he said he would on television programs. 

“Where to?” Ryosuke’s voice broke him out of his internal thoughts, looking over at Ryosuke who somehow looked even more gorgeous behind the wheel of this ridiculous vehicle. 

“Just pull out of the lot and turn right, you will drive down past the park,” Yuri watched Ryosuke as he reversed and pulled out onto the street, turning to watch the roads so they didn’t miss his turn. After they’d gone the several blocks to pass the park, he sat forward a bit, “Just up there, you’re going to turn right.” 

Ryosuke slowed down, glancing over at Yuri, “At that corner with the little ramen shop?” 

“Yeah,” Yuri nodded, his tummy flipping as he thought that this fancy car was going to drive down these streets. 

Ryosuke turned onto the road carefully, as it was one of the smaller roads that led away from the shopping district, driving slowly to avoid any issues with stray animals or such as it immediately felt like he’d been thrust into a different part of the world, the buildings were all touching, the streets were decorated with flags and lanterns and banners to denote little family owned shops, then above them were patios and decks, laundry lines and lawn chairs, the atmosphere reminded him of those festivals they used to go to—and maybe that is what the festivals were meant to represent after all? Maybe they were meant to show the small town feels of these kinds of communities, a far cry from the sterile, impersonal world where Ryosuke spent most of his time. 

They’d driven for a bit, and Ryosuke had to wonder if there might be a shortcut Yuri used to walk this far on foot from Pink…because it seemed like they’d driven quite a distance, but then he considered maybe it felt that way just because he was driving so slowly. 

He glanced over at Yuri who looked like he was drawn up into the smallest form possible, like he was folding in on himself, and without thought, he reached over to take his hand, his eyes wide when Yuri jumped, “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you…” 

“It’s okay, it’s fine…” Yuri looked at Ryosuke’s hand which was still extended, reaching up to take it with his own, clenching tightly to Ryosuke’s fingers and when he looked over at him, he knew he wasn’t hiding anything. 

“Everything’s okay,” Ryosuke had slowed down so much he was nearly stopped in the road, his eyes pleading with Yuri, “I can drop you off here, if you don’t want me to go all the way…” 

“That’s stupid,” Yuri shook his head, “We’re almost there.” 

Ryosuke did stop the car, his eyes not moving from Yuri’s, “I don’t have to go there, if you don’t want me to.” 

Yuri blinked slowly, his eyes watery, and he felt stupid, his heart pounding in his chest, “Are…you sure?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Ryosuke moved the car forward to pull over, at least as much as pulling over to the side of the road worked when it came to these tiny roads, putting the car in park, twisting to look at Yuri, “This is good, thank you for letting me bring you this far…” 

Yuri couldn’t speak, his voice lost to the thoughts whirling through his mind, finally actually seeing Ryosuke when he spoke softly, “This community reminds me of the festivals we used to attend at school—they are filled with people who smile at you and wave, with families that take care of each other…” 

Yuri tilted his head, trying to understand what Ryosuke actually saw, glancing around the streets before him, seeing only the normal landscape he could map out with his eyes closed, everything familiar, but to him, this was something else, something so far removed from the metro Tokyo area, from Shibuya where he figured Ryosuke lived—at least he thought he’d read that somewhere once, “It has to be such a huge difference from where you live…” 

Ryosuke studied Yuri’s profile, glad when he turned to look at him, “Different doesn’t mean it’s bad.” 

Yuri thought about this for a moment, chewing his lip for a moment before he nodded, “I suppose not…” he glanced around and then pointed to the alley just ahead, “If you turn there, you can go back the same way you came, so you won’t get lost…it can be confusing.” 

His hand reached to undo the seatbelt, and then he looked over at Ryosuke who was smiling, like he wasn’t remotely put out that Yuri wouldn’t let him go the rest of the way to where he lived, “Thank you for coming to see me tonight, it was really nice,” Yuri reached over to touch Ryosuke’s hand which instantly grabbed his within his own. 

“It was my pleasure,” Ryosuke clicked the button so the doors would unlock, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Yeah,” Yuri nodded, opening the car door and standing up to lean back down to speak, “I’ll wait for your email.” 

“Sounds good!” Ryosuke watched as Yuri closed the door, waving to him when he lifted his hand to wave to him, watching as he walked down the sidewalk. He waited until Yuri had moved to the next block before he shifted the car into gear and drove to the ally that Yuri had told him to use to turn around in, backing out, he realized that Yuri was stopped just a short ways down the block, speaking to someone who was sitting outside of a building, before he disappeared into the door next to the person. 

“Huh,” Ryosuke shook his head, realizing that Yuri had _almost_ let him go all the way, he’d very nearly done it and he was glad to know that Yuri didn’t have very far to go after all, as he reversed out, he glanced back, seeing the light come on in the uppermost windows and he realized that must be where Yuri lived. He glanced around, trying to commit some of the landmarks to his memory so that he would know where he was, and it made him happy to know this one little thing about Yuri, this one detail that maybe he didn’t really mind sharing with him, even if it made him too nervous there at the end, the truth was, Yuri had to have known he’d see him go into that building. 

He thought about ways he could make Yuri more comfortable as he drove home, not very versed at these kinds of relationship nuances after all, he’d never been in a relationship with anyone before, so he felt like he needed to figure out how to handle this…he reached over to push the button on his dash, dialing his Mom, because he was sure no one would be able to help him more than she could. 

* * *

Yuri listened to the messages from Saya, rolling his eyes as he dialed her number, her voice trill when she answered on the first ring, “It’s about time!” 

“Saya,” Yuri rolled his eyes, “We’re not doing this every night.” 

“Then tell me why you aren’t home!” Saya snapped, “I don’t understand what you’re hiding, you know I get nervous, I just want to know you’re okay!” 

“I met someone,” Yuri blurted the words out just to shut her up and immediately regretted it, drawing the phone away from his ear as she commenced to screaming in his ear. 

“Saya!” Yuri threw his hand up in the air, “This is exactly why I don’t tell you things!!” 

“Okay, okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she was wheezing from her excitement, “I’m okay, it’s okay, just…who? Who!? TELL ME!” 

Yuri sat in silence, contemplating telling her anything at all, her voice frantic in his ear, “Are you going to tell me?” 

“No, not yet,” Yuri answered honestly, shushing her when she began to protest, “I’ll tell you, okay? Just…let me have a little bit, I don’t want to…get invested and it not be what I think it is.” 

“What does _that_ mean?” 

“Just…it’s complicated, okay?” Yuri pressed his forehead down onto his desk, “I just…I want to be careful.” 

“Okay,” Saya’s voice was normal again, and Yuri scoffed, “Just like that?” 

“Yeah, just like that—I just wanted to know you’re okay, and besides if this guy hurts you, he’ll have to contend with me, and we both know how that will turn out.” 

Yuri knew it was true, laughing softly, “I know, that’s what I’m worried about here Sis.” 

“I’m glad we’re on the same page then,” Saya sighed, “When do I get to meet him?” 

“Later,” Yuri reached over to turn on his computer, “I’m not introducing you until I’m sure.”

“Sure, about what?”

“If he really likes me…” Yuri didn’t like saying it out loud, it felt wrong and like he was not being fair to Ryosuke but after all, he did need to figure this out, and Saya was the only person he could talk to. 

“Why wouldn’t he like you!?” Saya’s voice was incredulous, “Who wouldn’t love you?! You’re perfect!” 

“Shut up,” Yuri laughed, shaking his head, “I told you, it’s complicated!” 

“Okay, fine, whatever, just…isn’t there something you can tell me? C’mon, you’re killing me here!?” 

“He’s beautiful…like…inhumanly beautiful,” Yuri spoke the words without much thought, opening up his email. 

“Oh, like, beautiful by your standards or beautiful by _MY_ standards? Because we don’t always agree on who is beautiful…” 

They both spoke the name at the same time, “Eichi!” then burst into fits of giggles together. 

It felt good to laugh, Yuri felt genuinely happy, “I think he’s definitely up to your standard.” 

“Well, then he only has to pass one other test…” 

“What’s that?” Yuri wondered, as his eyes widened when he saw there was an email from Ryosuke. 

“Mom,” Saya spoke the word with reverence, and Yuri closed his eyes, nodding, then speaking since he realized Saya couldn’t see him, “Yeah, that…that’s true.” 

“If you like him then she will,” Saya reassured him, “All she wants is for you to be happy, if he makes you happy, she’ll love him.” 

While Saya was talking, Yuri took time to quickly scan the email from Ryosuke. 

* * *

Yuri-chan, 

Thank you for sharing the stars in the sky with me tonight, you have the most beautiful view of the world and it’s an honor to get to see even the smallest part of it. 

I’m looking forward to tomorrow! 

Sleep sweet! 

Ryosuke 

P.S. I LOVE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡ 

* * *

Yuri smiled at the email, glad Saya wasn’t there to see him grinning like an idiot, his voice soft when he answered her finally, “Saya, he makes me so happy.” 

“Good,” her voice was soft in his ear, “You only deserve happiness, Yur…oh, what are you doing tomorrow?” 

“ _Being happy_ ,” Yuri responded knowing she’d understand, which made her squeal loudly in his ear, “OH MY GOSH!!! Another date tomorrow!?! What is happening with my baby bro?” 

Yuri just laughed softly, feeling shy all of a sudden, even with Saya. 

“Well, go to bed then, I’ll check in tomorrow okay? Get some rest,” Yuri couldn’t help but wonder at how easily she let that go, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. 

“If you come here tomorrow, I will seriously kick your ass, Saya,” he hissed into the phone. 

“Damn,” she huffed, “How do you do that!?” 

“I know you. I’m hanging up now.” 

“Love you,” she whispered softly. 

“Love you, too, and...Saya,” Yuri swallowed awkwardly, “…just… _thanks_.” 

“Oh my gosh, just shut up.” 

The line was silent then, Yuri put the phone back on the receiver, knowing she’d hung up, because they were far better at harassing one another than with real feelings most of the time, but there was no one in the world who would be there to have his back if he needed them like Saya. 

He typed out a quick message to send to Ryosuke thanking him for the evening and that he was super excited about the next day as well and that he’d be unreasonably stalking his email while waiting to hear from him. He chose to ignore the comment on his email address completely. 

After he settled down, bundled up in his blankets against the cool air, his mind drifted, sleep soft on the edges of his mind, considering whether his Mom would like Ryosuke or not, then firmly deciding after a moment that she would most certainly adore him. 

_Just like I do._


End file.
